When I arrived at Ohio State as a half-star transfer in March of 2008 (the Silk Road for any average student looking to backdoor their way to an OSU degree), it took ~72 hours for me to earn my first Columbus parking ticket. I chortled like a dipshit, crumpled it like a dipshit, and threw it on the ground like a dipshit.
"You're not paying that?" my friend, who is much more successful than me, asked.
"No," I replied. "Why would I? It's not like they're real."
These were the thoughts I carried at 20. I wasn't a Heisman frontrunner entering a season that could secure me millions of dollars, but like Elliott, I took this civic lesson the hard way. (Pro tip: You can't renew your car's registration after $400 worth in tickets.)
The city of Columbus was so pressed about Elliott's crime spree they gave three citations, another court date, and let him travel to Arizona after he crashed his car on an interstate.
This of course did not stop Internet Men from haranguing Elliott or bandying about the ominous "distraction to the team" catch-all as if traffic tickets are going to be the biggest distraction for a team of 18-to-22-year-old men during a week in an "exotic" location.
If Elliott misses his Jan. 26th court date, however, then perhaps he should come back for his final season. As BuckeyeDude mentioned yesterday: The IRS doesn't play space games.
And I only say that because it would sicken me if Zeke's Crop Top Bar and Grill were one day seized by the same ilk that snatched Zeke's crop top.
MAKES U THINK. When Tom Herman left Ohio State to found MENSA, the organization for geniuses, Boise State offensive coordinator Mike Sanford was one of the first names across Urban Meyer's chopping block.
The Meyers and Sanfords go back to Meyer's days as Notre Dame as receivers coach under Sanford's father, the offensive coordinator.
Obviously the potential hire didn't work out.
From theozone.net:
"Last year, in all honesty, I didn’t really want to leave Boise State," he said. "It’s my alma mater. It’s a place that I held dear to my heart. It really shaped who I was as a player and then leading into my coaching career. I had a chance to be around some of the best coaches. Chris Petersen, Mark Helfrich, Dirk Koetter. Some really good coaches, and I kind of wanted to be a part of that legacy coaching. I’ve been trying to get back to Boise for 10 or 11 years. My family just moved there. I had a son that was born there during the season. It was kind of one of those years where I just really wanted to stay put. So I didn’t really think about leaving."
Some will tell you that Sanford turned the offer down, but according to Sanford it just wasn't really the right fit for either party.
"There were conversations," he said. "It was a great opportunity. Just on both sides of the spectrum I think it just wasn’t the right fit."
I think conversations like these should be recorded so they can be released to the public 30 years down the road. Ed Warinner, Tim Hinton, and Tony Alford—men who worked long hours with Brian Kelly—jumped at the chance to work with Meyer, but a man is a man.
I do hope Sanford turned Meyer down too, because a competitor like Meyer doesn't forget things like that.
... And because people will ask:
| SCHOOL | FEI OFFENSIVE RANK |
|---|---|
| NOTRE DAME | 6 |
| OHIO STATE | 26 |
(Full rankings: Here.)
SOMEBODY GRAB THE SHOTGUN. Ohio State's offense grabbed Michigan's defense by the scruff of its neck and held its head in a bucket of water until its Sperrys stopped kicking.
Michigan's defense, though they once pitched three(!) shutouts in a row, didn't have the athletes to bang with Ohio State. Notre Dame does, and it could turn to the old defensive front we've all come to hate.
From sbnation.com:
In the Irish defense, the safeties are better aligned to avoid getting outflanked. Vannett has a tough task finding the strong safety in space and clearing a lane. The bear front can help the Irish DL avoid facing double teams.
/cdn0.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/5847821/Buckeye_Power-crack_vs_Irish_bear.0.jpg "DA BEAR")
The real story is on the right side, where the Irish tackle and DE/LB would crash to fill the backside while freeing up Smith to run to the football. Michigan has great linebackers, but no one who can cover ground like Smith.
The Buckeyes will probably use different concepts than this variety of power to target Notre Dame's fronts, but the challenge will remain the same. Ohio State will need to flank a split-safety scheme that is less vulnerable to motion, and get blockers to Smith against a Notre Dame front designed to keep blockers off him.
The good news is there's zero percent chance Ohio State would be surprised if Notre Dame goes this route. The bad news is football is about execution. (It's my hope you read that last sentence in Vince Lombardi's voice.)
THINK BEFORE YOU SWING. Clemson's offensive line is anchored by former 2015 five-star OT Mitch Hyatt. The Buckeyes may have had a shot with the Georgia product, but Hyatt's Uncle Dan, a former Tiger, "brainwashed" him into Clemson.
Uncle Dan's dream was to play for Ohio State. Woody Hayes wanted him too... until Ohio State no longer wanted Woody.
From espn.com:
Hyatt's uncle, Dan Benish, was a highly recruited defensive lineman from Hubbard, Ohio. He was scheduled to make an official visit to Ohio State the weekend after Hayes was fired. But when Benish arrived at the airport to fly to Columbus, Ohio, the airline told him it didn't have a ticket for him.
Benish called Ohio State's football office, and a secretary told him Hayes had taken the Buckeyes' recruiting files with him. Benish was told the Buckeyes were no longer recruiting him.
With Ohio State out of the picture, Benish decided to visit Clemson with his high school teammate, wide receiver Dwayne Sell.
"I didn't even know where Clemson was when they first started recruiting me," Benish said. "I grew up in Ohio, and Ohio State and Notre Dame were my two favorite schools. I pretty much had my heart set on going to Ohio State and becoming a Buckeye. It was like a dream come true for me."
Somebody better get to Heaven's comment section and lecture Woody about "class."
'BOUT RIGHT. People sermonizing in 2015 about people tweeting at recruits has become more annoying than people tweeting at recruits. But this won't stop me from laughing at other fanbases:
Prospects at #UAALLAMERICA were asked what fan bases were the most annoying on social media, and #Florida was school mentioned the most.
— Jeremy Crabtree (@jeremycrabtree) December 28, 2015
#Hogs, #FSU, #UGA, #Michigan, #HailState, #Vols & #Aggies others mentioned by multiple recruits as being most annoying fans on social media.
— Jeremy Crabtree (@jeremycrabtree) December 29, 2015
Whenever I see the phrase "totally perfect" I pray for the Sun to explode, but the best part about that list is it's totally perfect.
PAY IT FORWARD. A chance encounter with the family of the late Chad Carr spurred one Buckeye fan into a random act of kindness.
From mlive.com:
The man joked about standing next to Michigan fans and said "Go Bucks" before striking up a conversation with Tammi and finding out Chad was her son.
"He offered his condolences and then we went our separate ways at breakfast," she said in the Facebook post.
"As we were leaving the restaurant after breakfast, the man and his wife came up to us and gave us hugs saying how much they love what we are doing in Chad's name. Then they handed us a check. We didn't open it until we got up to the room, but they had handed us a check for $1000 for the ChadTough foundation."
The ChadTough foundation funds research and raises awareness for pediatric brain tumors. You can donate here.
THOSE WMDs. This year in #teen Vines... Five fundamentals by which Bill Walsh lived... How a prison gang shut down São Paulo... Astronaut sorry for dialing wrong number from space... Where the bodies are buried... The dark reality of daily fantasy games.
