After listening to Bert Bielema's large adult son's Paul Chryst's presser yesterday, he is without a doubt the most boring coach in the Big Ten since Tim Beckman, who was at least capable of amusing (albeit insane) rambling from time to time.
Apparently, his players love him, but I remain mystified how he convinces any talented #teen to play football for him.
11W ICYMI:
- Film Study: Anatomy of a goal-line stand.
- Urban Meyer and J.T. Barrett say passing inefficiency against Indiana rooted in fixable mistakes.
- Ohio State aware of the challenge that awaits in "typical Wisconsin."
GIVE HAPPY JAMARCO THE DAMN BALL. The play where the talented skill position player runs the ball a long distance to make a touchdown is one we all love to know, and one we've grown accustomed to seeing under Meyer.
But those are cheap thrills compared to the dopamine avalanche caused by watching a festively plump human rumble into the paint for six points.
As an example, we turn to Saturday's Georgia Tech–Pittsburgh contest in which a 300-pound man stormed 21 yards to paradise:
I didn't watch the game, but I assume Georgia Tech quit immediately after the play out of respect for how much it got owned.
Meyer and his staff claim Ohio State is an "offensive line–driven program." And sure, we all love the Slobs, but why is there not more controversy in Columbus about getting one of the plowmen into the scorer's book?
The lack of awareness ends today.
Ed Warinner follows me on Twitter and RT'd an 11W Skully tweet back in August. So, yeah, not to brag but I'm basically an assistant offensive coordinator. And this is my new mission.
The enemies of Ohio State will never see it coming. And who among them has a defender capable of taking down a rampaging Jamarco Jones? Jabrill Peppers would end up in the hospital.
NO FLY ZONE. Ohio State's rush defense is stouter than I thought it would be entering the season. (Listen, y'all, Meyer pays me the big bucks to focus on the other side of the ball.)
So if enemies can't grind on the local team, they'll need explosive plays through the air to stay in the game.
Unfortunately, the stats paint a grim picture for them.
From @PFF_Steve, here's the secondary's performance against passes 20 yards or further down the field:
Wisconsin's offense ranks 100 in offensive S&P+, and I'm not talking the emoji, folks. Outside of that one year it had Russell Wilson, the Badgers have had the same QB for the last 20 years of my life. I just don't see Alex Hornibrook coming in and dicing up the defense.
Despite the concerns about the passing game, 17 points could win this game for Ohio State.
AND THE SHOE DIDN'T CRUMBLE, EH? While Gene Smith eyed beer sales in the Horseshoe, some people fretted it would turn the historic stadium into Gomorrah.
Thankfully, it appears Ohio State fans aren't wealthy enough to get felony drunk on $9 beers. Still, the athletic department is printing paper off the practice.
From bizjournals.com:
Ohio State University began selling beer at its home football games this year, charging $8 for a light domestic and $9 for Ohio craft brews. And judging from the bottom line, beer drinkers lined up.
Three games into the 2016 season and Ohio Stadium generated $412,000 selling beer to fans, the school said. The money goes to Ohio State's police force and other endeavors.
[...]
Ohio State hosts four more games this season, including the season-ending match-up against Michigan. The average of $137,333 of beer sold per game puts the initiative on pace to reach $961,331 over the seven games at the Horseshoe.
I figured those numbers would be higher. But with an 8:30 game against Nebraska—speaking of, do you have your Dubgate ticket?— a 5:30 game against Northwestern, and a noon banger against Michigan coming up, I expect they'll break a million when the suds settle.
OИ WISCOИSIИ! As someone who duffs up regularly in front of thousands of people, I no longer find mistakes like this funny. My palms sweat and I say a quick prayer for whoever is responsible for the mistake.
From madison.com:
via madison.comThat's right: The backwards letters on the Camp Randall Stadium turf have been fixed.
It was a subtle mistake, hard to spot for all but the most detail-obsessed viewers, but three of the four Ns in the letters spelling "WISCONSIN" in the north and south end zones were flipped. The backwards letters were on the field for two Wisconsin home games.
The letters' serifs, the small lines that flare out from the ends of the characters, gave it away.
I don't think I would have ever noticed that but I spend most of my days in a medically-induced coma, only waking to cobble bad internet takes together two hours a night.
SOMEBODY CALL GORDON GEKKO. A wise man once told me scammers love to cloak their devious machinations with the word "investment."
It sounds a lot better than, "Handing my cash to somebody else on their promise they'll hump the coins and give me back my share, plus something to put my mediocre son through community college."
Unfortunately, investments don't always pan out. Apparently, our nation's bastions of education are learning this.
From dispatch.com:
Even as Ohio State University celebrates a record-breaking fundraising campaign that brought in $3 billion in new pledges and donations, there’s a fly in the ointment: The university’s long-term investments lost a chunk of their value.
The 3.4 percent loss means that, despite $234.7 million in new gifts and other additions to the university’s endowment, it ended the fiscal year smaller than it started.
[...]
About 95 percent of college and university endowments saw investment losses for the fiscal year that ended on June 30. And college investment officials stress that one bad year doesn’t make a trend, and returns over the previous three-year and five-year terms have been relatively strong.
This is why I keep my savings in a Newman's Own Diavolo pasta sauce jar buried deep in one of my cats' three litter boxes. At a purchase price of $2.08, it remains the wisest and most secure investment of my life.
THOSE WMDs. Who killed South Campus?... Facebook's DNA detectives helping adoptees find birth parents... The rise and fall of a Molly kingpin... Standard American diet even sadder than we thought... To leave a note on a car you dinged or to not leave a note?
