Mondays are sweeter following Michigan misfortune.
I'm going to find a way to have this gif tattooed across my back.
Whos lost to Michigan this season? Not these guys. pic.twitter.com/HzcRF9Wyn8
— Eleven Warriors (@11W) March 2, 2020
Song of the Day: "No Surprises" by Radiohead
Word of the Day: Enmesh.
UNBREAKABLE BOND. J.K. Dobbins and Jeff Okudah share a bond neither of them ever wanted to share, but one that won't ever be broken.
When RB @Jkdobbins22 + CB @jeffokudah compete at the #NFLCombine, theyll both honor a parent lost too soon.
— NFL (@NFL) February 28, 2020
The story of their unbreakable bond dating back to @OhioStateFB. pic.twitter.com/quQJ5ww0Mb
I can't imagine losing a parent at all, but I especially can't imagine losing a parent while in my late teens. Their strength clearly goes far beyond the weight room.
“JUST LIKE FOOTBALL.” There is no deeper verbal cut than the just like football chant that Buckeye fans got to enjoy Sunday evening, as my pal Tom explains.
It’s a way for thousands of fans to simultaneously remind a rival school of not one, but two losses.
“Yes, you’re getting your butts kicked now in one of the sports you care most about. But also it happened a while back in another sport that, statistically, you probably care about even more. Remember that? When you lost in football just like you’re losing in basketball? That probably made you sad. And yet here you are, losing once again.”
When you’re on the receiving end, there are few things that sting more harshly. You can probably think back to some time as a kid when some school’s fans chanted that after pulling off the football/basketball double against the Buckeyes or some other team you cheered for.
It’s the most concise way to say, “You played us twice, and all you got was one year closer to death.”
Hell yeah, brother. But I'm not going to pretend to be content. I will not rest until every Wolverine throat is under a Buckeye boot.
I want to hear the "Just like field hockey!" chants rain down as Ohio State flays Michigan's softball team in five innings. Gymnastics? Get dumped. Water Polo? Shit, looks like we're going to have to start a varsity team.
CANCEL JANUARY. So it's looking like the Buckeyes are a top-10 basketball team as long as the calendar doesn't say "January."
Top 5 teams in adjusted efficiency in February games only:
— Jordan Sperber (@hoopvision68) March 1, 2020
1. Kansas
2. Michigan
3. Creighton
4. Gonzaga
5. Houston pic.twitter.com/Tv2Kshh7BM
1, 7, 83, 8.
That's close to what I would expect those numbers to look like if the entire starting lineup took a month-long sabbatical to Belize leaving the bench and some walk-ons to eat five Ls in seven games.
That scenario would have made a hell of a lot more sense in my brain (at least statistically), and probably would have been more fun to watch.
But to the best of my knowledge, those were (mostly) the same players that played the other two months, and frankly, I don't know enough about basketball to even guess why they hate winning games in January. But I'm glad it's fixed!
Chris Holtmann was reading your January tweets, and he remembers them: "We realize plenty of people wrote us off when we were 2-6, had people kind of making fun of us, putting all their sarcastic tweets out there. I've got them all saved. All of them."
— Colin Hass-Hill (@chasshill) March 2, 2020
While I love the thought of Chris Holtmann turning into a sentient @OldTakesExposed, it was uh, absolutely reasonable to doubt the team that went 2-6 with home losses against Wisconsin and Minnesota.
But hey, if I singled out as a sarcastic Tweeter, by all means, pin that shit to the top of the bulletin board and give me a ring when for my services when the nets come down in April.
LET THE WHITE FLAGS FLY. It ain't even spring yet and we've got a Michigan blogger already waving the white flag on November's game.
I'm sorry not sorry, but I just can't take anymore Buckeye beatings. I give. The last two years -- with rosters fully recruited by our Mosaic head coach, who still got their pants pulled down in public -- have broken me.
I've already lost my son. Four years ago, he cried tears of joy when he found out he was going to his first game ever at the Big House. He never missed a minute of Michigan football. He dressed up as Jim Harbaugh for Halloween -- twice.
Now he's a seventh grader, and I can barely get him to watch. The 2018 Columbus collapse was his kill-shot. Last November's curb-stomping, with the Wolverines at home and playing as well on both sides of the ball simultaneously as they had in the Harbaugh era, was mine.
I simply cannot endure another ruined Thanksgiving weekend. 15 years of this is enough. 15 years! That means I've spent one third of my lifetime getting my manhood kicked by a scarlet-and-gray steel-toed boot.
That's all hilarious enough before you listen to the first seven seconds of his show previewing this year's game.
On one hand, I genuinely respect the self-awareness and admire his ability to come to terms with reality. Kudos, XL Steve Bartman.
On the other hand, if I ever make a post like this, please burn my house down and raffle my job off to a willing commenter. Writing online sports words isn't about coming to terms with reality, it's about screaming your own reality to anybody who will listen until it miraculously comes true.
By common grace, my ideal reality happens to be damn close to what actually happens to my favorite sports team every single year. But if the Buckeyes were 6-5 and hadn't beaten the northern team in 12 years, you bet your ass I'd still be calling for a Michigan Massacre in these here Skull Sessions.
THE FUTURE MR. AND MRS. We've got some congrats in order to our dear friend Joshua Perry, who's secured his better half.
Congrats, Joshua and welcome to the sweet, sweet world of wedding planning.
Pro Tip: You only need as many Save the Dates as households, not people. Totally unrelated, if anyone wants a Save the Date or 70, hit me up.
NOT STICKING TO SPORTS. Like a college dorm for adults, co-living is the next big thing... Apparently, vaginal weightlifting is a thing... The surgeon general urges the public to stop buying face masks... Why your brain is not a computer...
