Here's a question: do you love charity, eating, drinking and The Ohio State University Buckeyes and their marching band? Do you hate Wisconsin? Well, brothers and sisters, do I have a banger of a weekend for you. Allow me to put you hip to game:
The Gold Pants Social and the fourth annual Eat Too Brutus on the weekend of Friday September 27/28th. Full details can be found HERE. (Act quickly because space is limited and you don't want procrastination to prevent your attendance to what is likely to be the premiere black-tie event on Ohio State's social calendar.)
All proceeds will go to the Gold Pants Club and the smooth cats at Down Syndrome Achieves, respectively. If you're an immoral derelict like some people I know [leers into the mirror across the room], perhaps you should pony up the cash for the tickets and come cleanse your soul for a really good cause. (Unfortunately, we won't have the Bert Beliema piñata to smash around, which is a shame because I planned to stuff the insides with tiny Crown Royal bottles, Speedway gift cards and packs of Virginia Slims. Alas!)
I'm still waiting on my background check to clear to punch my RSVP ticket to The Gold Pants Social, but I'm hoping to be there. (Even though this finally might put the noose around the neck of the last shreds of blogger street credentials Eleven Warriors has.)
Now with that out of the way... ***takes last drag of the Newport — just kidding, Mom, that's merely a literary device used for dramatic effect — hoists gun-belt up higher around the waist, walks into the Skull Session Saloon with spurs janglin'*** Let's get this party crackin', shall we?
SEC SPEED < CONGRESS SPEED. The worst word in college football surfaced yesterday: Congress. Take it away, Associated Press:
WASHINGTON (AP) — Lawmakers from Pennsylvania and Ohio introduced legislation in the House of Representatives that would require NCAA schools to guarantee four-year scholarships to athletes who play collision sports and due process for schools accused of breaking rules.
Rep. Charlie Dent (Pa.-R) and Rep. Joyce Beatty (Ohio-D) say the National Collegiate Athletics Accountability Act will help improve health and education of student-athletes and require more transparency from the NCAA.
Wait... that actually sounds well-reasoned and quite fair to student-athletes? (Speaking of student-athletes, I'm still waiting to see the pictures of Oregon's study facilities in their new multi-kajillion dollar football fantasy factory.) Multi-year scholarships are also something Jim Delany and the Big Ten introduced to football recruits last year. SEC Heavyweights like Alabama and LSU are on the record for opposing the idea , which probably has nothing to do with it would make it innately harder to institute annual summer cuts to their programs and gain an extra recruiting class every four years.
Regardless, kudos to Jim Delany who once again has proven he is some sort of mystical soothsayer.
TUCKER OF TUCKER HS IN TUCKER, GEORGIA, TO DECIDE NEXT WEEK. Wow, George Carlin would be IRATE if he read that headline. Anyway, the Ohio State 2014 recruiting class could pick up another player next week, a guy who has flown under the radar according to our own Jeremy Birmingham: Kirk Tucker. Next week the Georgian prospect will choose between Stanford and Ohio State (talk about a win/win situation for him). He had this to say to Eleven Warriors about his recruitment process:
(Ohio State and Stanford) have long traditions and that has really separated them from the other schools that have offered me. Their medical programs and academics are among the best in the nation, which plays a very big part for me. I want to be able to go to a school that offers both good football and great academics. Ohio State and Stanford both offered those key qualities which really drew me closer to them in the end of this process.
Everett Withers has spear-headed the recruitment of the 3-star defensive back who is projected to play outside linebacker at the next level. If Stanford is in on this guy, and he has caught Urban Meyer's eye, then that's all I need to know about this kid. Hopefully he's a Buckeye by this time next week.
Football is coming. Stay patient, friends.BUCKEYES #2 IN COACHES POLL. The highly-flawed Coaches Top 25 poll was released yesterday, and The Ohio State Battlin' Buckeyes checked in at #2, which is awesome until you remember preseason polls aren't worth a smile on a prostitute.
Urban Meyer seems to think even less of the preseason ranking bestowed on his team by his brethren (and their SIDs). As he told Tim May of the Dispatch:
I’m anxious to get to Sunday (and the start of preseason camp) because all that will not be discussed one time. High expectations have been discussed, but not the number.
OLD DUDE PURGE IN THE COACHING RANKS. Here's an interesting read from Dispatch intern Joey Kaufman on athletic director's increasing willingness to hire younger and younger bros to lead their respective programs. (It highlights 32-year-old P.J. Fleck of Central Michigan, the youngest head coach in the FBS division.)
What's a possible explanation to this phenomenon? The ability to relate to today's players during recruitment. From the article:
“If your ability to recruit is better than a guy who has been doing this for 25 to 30 years who doesn’t relate to young people very well, that’s where these athletic directors are willing to take a chance,” said Pete Roussel, who runs CoachingSearch.com, a website that covers coaching transactions throughout college football.
“Because they say, ‘Hey, people like this guy: He’s hip, he’s got a little swagger, he’s confident, he’s got a plan, he’s been around some really good coaches.’ More and more athletic directors are willing to take a chance on a young guy.”
Now's a good time to remind OSU haterz (and fans): Urban Meyer is still only 49-years-old and will be around for as long as his heart can handle the glory and accolades.
RISING AND GRINDING PAYS OFF. The following comes from Josh Perry's Instagram and should shame you on two fronts. One, I doubt your soft, shitty body looks anything like this thoroughbred. Two, Mickey Marotti is a lot better at his job than you are at yours.
Remember these pictures when a United Nations coalition invades the WHAC with a mandate to topple Urban Meyer and Mickey Marotti and disarm their budding weapons of mass destruction program.
THOSE WMDs. Yasiel Puig is even good at soccer... 5 Brothers Grimm Fairy Tales That Won't Be Getting the Disney Treatment... The Story Behind Strange Fruit, the song Kanye West sampled in Blood on the Leaves... The trailer to the final season of Breaking Bad... Cristiano Ronaldo awkwardly swinging a baseball bat... A man repays $500,000 of insurance money in 4 tons of quarters... Will Muschamp: Woodpeckers can't get concussions... Every episode of Seinfeld in one image...
