SUNDAY
Day of rest.
MONDAY (COLUMBUS DAY)
Students were disappointed they didn't get the day off from their usual academic opportunities to commemorate the man who found the land of opportunity.
Kenny Guiton started snapping the ball by clapping a lot more sarcastically.
Campus tour guides decided to maybe not show them north campus.
Jim Tressel contemplated a return to OSU as an I formation systems professor.
Oval preachers' overall effectiveness wasn't evolving either.
And a freshman who took caffeine pills and 2 Adderall may never sleep again but wow being so productive, getting so much work done this is amazing.
TUESDAY
Chemistry students studying hydroxyl groups fought the urge to scream "I-O!"
We asked readers: Are we supposed to just trust that our professors are saying "Poisson" correctly?
CABS buses didn't put much heart into their "BEAT IOWA" LED signs this week.
OSU Student Wellness began offering free disgusted rejections.
Honors students were excited for their schedule windows to open so they could get all the classes nobody else wanted anyway.
And the KSA Café was still waiting for its first customer.
WEDNESDAY
A super lame presentation on social media was successfully ignored by checking twitter.
Stat book: What isn't currently under construction at Ohio State?
And the U.S. government put off a huge project until the night before it was due.
THURSDAY
Another day of rest; we don't owe you anything.
FRIDAY
OSU alumni agreed the best part of homecoming was not having to drive to California or wherever.
Mechanical engineering majors were pretty stressed out about their upcoming deformation exam.
Commentary: What makes the homecoming parade great.
SATURDAY
Classifieds: 39B student ticket for sale since it was raining ew.
The refs called a pushing foul.
Said pushing foul resulted in Bradley Roby's ejection from a football game for playing football.
Former Buckeyes Malcom Jenkins and Antoine Winfield were also ejected from their sideline visit for targeting.
Clemson and Florida State competed to prove, definitively, which team is better than Ohio State.
And later in the night, Bradley Roby was kicked out of a party for partying.
The Fake Lantern is the fake student voice of The Ohio State University. You should follow them on Twitter: @TheFakeLantern.
