On February 14, 2024, venerable Eleven Warriors writer, Ramzy Nasrallah, wrote an article called, “Grim Paradise”, and stated something that is true, and is still like a gut punch to the Buckeye nation spanning the entire globe.
He stated and I quote: “No one can take away Michigan's national title. Not you, not the NCAA and definitely not public opinion.”
These aforementioned eighteen words, embodied a demoralizing era, where we suffered the indignity of the scUM football program hoisting the national championship trophy after cheating their way through the past three seasons, while paying one of their sycophant’s 55K per year in an organized effort of rule breaking, despite claiming innocence when it came to light.
To Buckeye nation and the Eleven warrior’s staff: We can do something about this. This is an open plea in earnest.
This forum article - is a call to adjudicate wrongs from the past, by a group of miscreants, a legion of half rate citizens with low morals, in another state, that has besmirched the greatest rivalry in college football. They have sullied the sport itself, while incurring the wrath of their own conference, even though you could argue that the penalty handed down from the BIG, was not commensurate with the misdeeds that prompted it. Wrongs must be righted, against a former head coach, a team, and a sect of football fandom that has an ego bigger than the entire Great Lakes geographical region, and a hypocritical self-righteousness that has been there for years, and is well documented.
We CANNOT let this cheating scandal die! Whether the NCAA comes down hard on those dastardly doers of demented deeds, or simply gives them another slap on the wrist, it’s up to us to rub it in their faces, and continually remind them of theirs sins! How, might you say? By creating a trophy that can be given to every team that beats them in the 2024 season - with the help of Eleven Warriors. What kind of trophy? I propose a scaled down replica of the Natty trophy, but instead of the football at the top, in its place would be a cell phone, with Connor Stalions’ name on it. Inscribed on the vertical piece underneath would be some verbiage about Hairball’s lack of success, prior to Stalion’s capers, and the turn-around afterwards. Perhaps also, a brief humorous set of verbiage could be inscribed, about Jimmy’s audacious request for an immunity clause - with his potential new contract with the university - prior to him leaving for his NFL job. “Here, Mr. Harbaugh, we have an addendum to your new contract, that you will receive immunity if the NCAA issues penalties in 2024, written on the back of this flattened out milk carton and reviewed by Judge Judy personally. Just sign by the X, with this Rick Flair WWE pen.”
So what would be the name of the trophy inscribed at its base? I have some ideas. It could possibly be the “Deliberate, undeniable, nefarious, cheating, escapade”, or the “DUNCE” trophy. Another possibility is, “Connor’s reconnaissance, Aiding Perps”, or the “CRAP” trophy. In a different iteration, insert “aiding and abetting”, for a double “a” type of “CRAAP”, which fits, as it matches the Initials of Ann Arbor. However, the following is my favorite.
Ladies and gentleman of the Buckeye nation, I present to you the:
V ictory
O ver
M ichigan’s
I llicit
T actics
TROPHY !!!
IMOA, I think it’s highly unlikely that the skunk weasels will repeat the success they had last year in 2024. The coaching staff has changed dramatically and they lost a boat load of seniors and/or experienced players. I could be wrong, but I see 3 or 4 losses, and an opportunity for 11 Warriors to not only create such a trophy, but also present it to the winning team, a couple days after each game where scUM loses. Imagine the Longhorns receiving such a trophy, at the beginning of the season. It quite possibly could become a media event, keeping the cheating story in the news. Wouldn’t that be a delightful treat?
Some of the old timers here on Eleven Warriors will remember the movie, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. In an early part of the movie, a sailor (Kirk Douglas) sings a whimsical song, where the chorus starts with, “Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads, A whale of a tale or two….”, and ends with, “I swear by my tattoo”. Recently, there were some web articles - complete with pictures - about Hairball getting a 15-0 tatt on his arm, to commemorate scUM’s record last year. Jimmy would swear by his tattoo also - given what we heard from him about the scandal – that he was ignorant of Stalions’ actions. (Talk about “a whale of a tale” – completely nauseating!) At the end of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, the main fixture of the story – the unique Nautilus submarine and brainchild of the deranged captain Nemo - sinks to the depths of the sea in disaster. You could argue that Harbaugh and Nemo have similar eccentric traits. Hopefully scUM’s season will end with 3 or 4 losses, and sink like the Nautilus, while their fan base watches in dismay. Oh the blessed schadenfreude we could experience, when their bubble bursts, and Eleven Warriors sends a trophy as previously described, to all teams that beat them this upcoming season!
Eleven Warriors staff, YOU CAN DO THIS!!! GO FOR IT!!!!
Fellow Buckeye friends and faithful; I adjure you, please add your comments and ideas below. Let the Eleven Warriors Staff make a composite of the best phrases, quips, pejorative remarks, etc., then create these trophies, and subsequently bestow them to every team who is victorious on the gridiron against TCUN next year!
