Five stories high, if the stories are true/ Here's Large Will Howard, cure for the Blue/ Spinning ten footballs, one for each digit/ And cheering the faithful, who had started to fidget
Being a transfer portal quarterback has got to be a pretty sweet gig, for about two weeks.
Cam Ward was feted by the entire college football world before laughing and saying "Sike!" as he headed to the NFL. Dozens of others made serious cash (or at least gave themselves the opportunity to do so) by testing the waters of desperate B-tier programs with an established donor base. Hell, even Kyle McCord found himself in a cozy spot to win 10-11 games next season, albeit against the likes of Holy Cross, UConn, and Stanford.
And that's the goal, isn't it? The entire concept of the transfer portal is that players should have the same autonomy that literally any other student or coach already has. Yes, there's money involved, but that's always been the case. The only real difference is that now players actually have access to it.
Big Will threw back his mighty shoulders, the ground shook as he laughed/ "Fret not," he boomed, "For I understand this huge task!"/ "I'll compete every day, from film to the field!"/ "You'll get heart, grit, and toughness; I'll be your sword and your shield!"
But one side effect of this free agency era of college football is that the expectation is now that players are expected to deliver immediate results. Things are super awesome when you're the potential savior of a program, but can quickly turn to rotten bacon grease when you're the expected savior of a program. And there's no position where this is more true than at quarterback.
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And, specifically, being quarterback at Ohio State in 2024. And I'm sorry Will Howard, NIL offers and mash notes from coordinators must've been a good time, but Buckeye fans at large have a very specific list of tasks that need to be accomplished right freaking now. Right now!
In fact, it'd be great if you had access to a time machine so that you could travel back to last November and save us all a gigantic headache. But failing that, the next best thing is for you to come in, instantly look like the best quarterback in the country in spring practices, score 50 touchdowns in the Spring Game, spend the summer filming yourself reenacting every snap Kyle McCord took in 2023 but doing it at a higher level, and then of course winning every game in 2024 by 35 points before beating Michigan so badly that they stop playing football forever.
"That's not what we asked," the fans thought, quite grimly/ "Also it's disconcerting that this guy is so friendly"/ And so they whipped out their phones, fingers flying aflitter/ Angrily posting hot takes, on X (formerly Twitter)
That's a lot! And there is a non-zero chance that someone will read the above and go "that's literally what I think should happen and I will hate this kid forever if he screws this up."
For what it's worth, Howard seems like a great fit for Ryan Day and Ohio State. He was well-respected at Kansas State, a locker room guy who will be able to provide critical leadership at a position that was poised to have very little in the way of experience in 2024 without him. He's large and athletic, but if you're going to make Josh Allen comparisons it's better to include words like "potential" and "upside," because statistically and mechanically Howard isn't quite there yet.
He might very well prove to be an upgrade to Kyle McCord, and given the weapons at Howard's disposal its unlikely that his most productive target in 2024 will be a tight end (this can be read in two different ways). But he needs to improve his consistency and show that he's capable of truly controlling a game with his arm.
"Er, wait!" Will cried, visibly shook/ "That Team Up North is on notice! Death to Ann Arbor!" as he shot Day a look/ Temporarily assuaged, the mob nodded: "That'll do"/ "Just don't forget to deliver or we're coming for you"
Howard is saying the right things, though, and in this honeymoon period that's the most important part of the job.
"The pressure is on. Beating that Team Up North is priority No. 1 on the way to the national championship and all our other goals. That's huge and it's everything when it comes to playing for Ohio State."
"I know the implications and what it means to the fan base and everyone in the program. That's the Team Up North now."
Excellent answer, presumptive starting quarterback Will Howard! That's one item off our list! Now all you need to do is to flawlessly take care of the other five thousand things and you'll be good to go.
