Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there... but specifically mine, who is objectively the best mother in the world. (I am the only person who will say that today on the internet.)
To those graduating from The Ohio State University today: Why? Why did you do that, you big idiot? Only pain and decay await you now.
ICYMI: The men's lacrosse team whooped two-time defending Duke on its own turf last night in the opening round of the NCAA tournament, and Jeff Heuerman tore his ACL in his first weekend of professional practice and is out for the year.
Oh, and the Bengals might sign Terrelle Pryor.
11W WEEK IN REVIEW. Here's stuff written this week by people more talented than me:
- 2015 is a big year for Adolphus Washington.
- Cam Burrows brings flexibility to the defensive backfield.
- Cheaters prosper when we're cool with it.
- Replacing Stan Drayton.
- Quenching OSU's NFL QB drought.
- Raekwon McMillan faces even higher expectations in 2015.
- Mike Thomas trying to become OSU's first 1000-yard receiver since 2002.
MIKE CONLEY GETS #BIZZY. The Golden State Warriors were the NBA's best team in the regular season, but as Mike Conley warned us all year, the Memphis Grizzlies trained for the postseason.
The Grizzlies moved to 2-0 in games against the Warriors in which Conley has played. The former OSU standout was solid in all facets last night, posting 11 points, 5 assists, and taking a massive charge while suffering from a facial fracture.
Here's "the Silent Assassin" — that's what Steph Curry called him, anyway — degrading the rotted corpse of Leandro Barbosa:
The Grizzlies' 99-89 victory pushed the series to 2-1. Our old friend Kosta Koufos chipped in 8 points, 6 rebounds, 1 assist, and 1 block. (The Triple Double was almost there!)
THE VILLAIN FULFILLS A PROMISE. You know that "NBA Cares" propaganda pushed down our throats during NBA telecasts? Well, Evan Turner might actually care, and that flies in the face of his reputation as a squirrelly dickhead.
From Adam Himmelsbach of BostonGlobe.com (via 11Wer Gravey):
Turner told the students that if they kept their grades up and kept reading and kept respecting their teachers, he would come back to see them. They might not have thought much of it, because that sounds like the kind of nice thing a famous person would say before departing. But Turner was serious.
As the Celtics chased a playoff berth over the final two months of the season, Turner often asked the team’s community relations staff about JFK Elementary and reminded them that he planned to go back.
And then last week, before leaving Boston for the offseason, he made good on his promise. Turner bought more than 100 pizzas and treated the students and teachers to lunch.
Turner did great works in Ohio, but he's teammates with Kelly Olnyk, the Hanson Brother that broke Kevin Love's arm with a bit of 1980s thuggery. If I were Turner, I would still probably avoid Northeast Ohio this summer, just to be safe.
MORE BUCKS DO GOOD THINGS. It might be repetitive, but these headlines are way cooler than DUIs and domestic assaults:
#Buckeye footballers @RIP_JEP @WarrenB_ @ChaseFarris57 & @beTaylor79 kicking off CBus #SpecialOlympics today. pic.twitter.com/1u1T1c8p22
— Jerod Smalley (@JerodNBC4) May 9, 2015
The thing about OSU football's charity efforts is that it's not just the stars out there doing yeomen's work. Guys like Warren Ball, Chase Farris, and Brady Taylor have yet to play a meaningful minute for the Buckeyes, and they're out there giving up their free time for great causes.
That's awesome to see, and it's a testament to just how deep the culture of excellence runs at OSU.
MICHIGAN HAS BEEN BAD FOR AWHILE NOW. Michigan has been so bad for so long that eighth graders are more familiar with the likes of Boston College and Tennessee.
From Mark Snyder of Freep.com:
Michigan's newest recruiting prospect, eighth-grader Owen Pappoe, confirmed U-M offered him a scholarship on Friday morning. Yet by late afternoon, the Loganville, Ga., athlete was still not sure much about the Wolverines, including who their head coach was.
The 6-foot-1, 194-pound middle school linebacker told the Free Press that the offer came to the Grayson High School coach, also the college recruiting coordinator, who told him the good news.
Yes, that's right: there's a 6'1" 194-pound eighth grader out there in the world. (Eventually people are going to start dying on the field again.)
THOSE WMDs. #SixWordStories... The time a newspaper stared down the country's largest advertiser... All the things people steal when they visit the White House... This week in odd news... 'There's a tension' as OSU draws better students... Can you quit smoking through hypnosis?
