Welcome to what must be one of the least productive Tuesdays of the year for the American economy. Yes, unfortunately, we're still trapped on this forsaken rock and must go to work because work is better than homelessness.
The good news, however, is we're a day away from Marionaire Christmas, two days away from Thanksgiving, three days from the least productive Friday of the year, and four days from The Game. Nothing beyond that matters. (What I'm saying is spend all the money in your bank account because money won't matter soon.)
As a "student," four days might as well have been four years. Four days might as well be a nap at this point.
How are you preparing for the local team's big game this weekend? I demolished half a batch of Buckeyes intended for Whitney's students and put on four pounds overnight.
I also sparred with a Michigan fan who rocked this avatar on Twitter, only because I assumed it was the mayor of Ann Arbor:
So yeah, Ohioans are on deck to defeat that team up north.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. Big Ten and national championships are cool. If the local team wins the big game, it could play for one or two of those trophies. Those trophies are cool, but you know what's cooler?
Crushing the dreams of Michigan fans for another 365 days.
From Tom Orr of theozone.net:
This year’s first-year college students were in third grade during that 2006 season. This year’s seniors were in kindergarten when a new OSU coach walked onto the court at the Schott and let everyone know what would happen 310 days in the future.
[...]
The folks up north will have blown what appeared as recently as three weeks ago to be the best possible shot they could have to knock off an Urban-coached unit. And they will have done so a year after getting eviscerated in Ann Arbor by Buckeye squad that entered as underdogs. And they will have done so a year before a loaded OSU goes back north to square off against a wildly inexperienced group of Wolverines.
While a good bit of the buildup to Saturday will certainly focus on its potential playoff scenarios, younger fans will have to trust the older generation on this – the real stakes are even higher. A Buckeye win would keep the full-blown Fan Up North under wraps for another year.
Props to Orr. There's typing like a teen with asterisks, underscores, and emojis. And then, 16 notches above it, is dropping a 1,500-word column without the using the letter M.
As a wise old Millennial, I remember Michigan being good. They were as insufferable as they are now, but they had bragging rights. Their two-way player was from Ohio and a worthy Heisman winner.
Trash young Millennials probably think Tshimanga Biakabutuka is a slain Al Qaeda lieutenant. Biakabutuka escaping war crime charges will be a black eye on the Voinovich regime until the end of time.
Thanksgiving felt like the affable family uncle died, but it was worse than that. Everyone thought the local team was good, but it switched...
DAMON WEBB. Damon Webb wasn't the first Detroit Cass Tech player to commit to Ohio State, but he opened the pipeline that Urban Meyer established during the last turbulent years of the Brady Hoke era (peace be upon it).
He's now a starting safety.
From cleveland.com:
It gave Ohio State the confirmation that it's worth recruiting Cass Tech despite the fact the program has sent countless players to Michigan and is led by a former Wolverine running back.
It also gave other Cass Tech football prospects another familiar option. Michigan is still always going to get the first crack at a Cass Tech, but a 16-year-old boy can see that Webb crossed over and found success and happiness. That makes a kid think, and in the world of college football recruiting, there's no downside when a high-schooler has another option.
"I never really thought about it that way, but it's definitely kind of cool now that you say it," Webb said. "You know, coming from Michigan, a lot of our family members and friends are Michigan fans, so giving other guys the opportunity to look at Ohio State or just knowing that there are kids from their high school that went to Ohio State, they feel like they can be successful up here."
If Ohio State routs Michigan—I'm not saying it will, but I'm not saying it won't, either—the meltdown of Ann Arbor will be legendary. I would print the mgoblog.com game thread and read a page every day before laughing hysterically and throwing it into my fireplace as future kindling. I say future because I would heat my house this winter with schadenfreude.
But even if it's just a win and not a rout, it would send a clear message to croots who like Ohio State but feel the lure of the false flag local team. Ohio State isn't far away, it has put players in the NFL at all positions, and it wins trophies.
LEWIS VS. SAMUEL. Jourdan Lewis is Michigan's best defender and my favorite Wolverine because Mike Thomas trolled him in January and he went on a rant about Thomas not being worthy of a second-round pick.
And then earlier this season after beating 2-5 Michigan State, Lewis took to Twitter to say he wasn't the only one with 2-6 across his chest.
He deleted it because it went against a previous oath:
I wanna get these jokes off, but promised I'll be classy.
— Jourdan Lewis (@JourdanJD) October 29, 2016
I know those feels. I'll get a new legitimate follower and think, "Hmmm, maybe time to stop tweeting." It lasts 30 minutes. Two weeks later I'm RTing Japanese cat pictures while most people are stuck in morning traffic going to real jobs.
It's part of the reason classy people will always look at me like a sewer creature, so why not get these jokes off?
And If Michigan beats Ohio State (perish the thought, I know), Lewis will have the yucks. Angry, serious people will tell him to "have some class and act like he's been here before" but he's literally never beaten Ohio State or played for anything other than pride against them.
Jokes aside, how Lewis covers Curtis Samuel could be a key cog in the ultimate decision of the game. Some speculate he could shadow Samuel, but Lewis wouldn't commit to that.
From mlive.com reporter Nick Baumgardner:
Jourdan Lewis says he's excited for the chance to cover Curtis Samuel on Saturday.
— Nick Baumgardner (@nickbaumgardner) November 21, 2016
I asked him. He'd only say he promises he'll cover Samuel at times. https://t.co/FuHvmbpUhb
— Nick Baumgardner (@nickbaumgardner) November 21, 2016
Lewis talks trash and could be lying. Maybe he'll shadow Samuel. Or maybe Michigan will throw the big dog at him:
Peppers: 'Everything's coming out of the bag this weekend.'
— Nick Baumgardner (@nickbaumgardner) November 22, 2016
I hope Lewis shadows Samuel because that's a future NFL matchup. But I need at least one Vine of Samuel truck-sticking Peppers or shattering his ankles. Just one.
Meyer probably plans to empty the clip, too. If Ohio State takes its best shot and it isn't good enough, anonymous Michigan fans can adorn me with a grotesque Crying Jordan crown. I just hope it isn't because the local team played not to lose.
That's a tepid take, but don't worry. As assistant to the offensive coordinator, I advised they dial up some of the ol' play-action.
OSU TO CFP. Folks, as the No. 1 Ohio State football insider, let me put it to you in terms an outsider could understand: If Ohio State beats Michigan, it may fall to No. 4 when the dust settles, but it will go to the College Football Playoff.
From dispatch.com:
Ohio State’s big picture also has at least one more week to wow the committee. Michigan comes a-calling on Saturday, and defeating the 10-1 Wolverines would help the Buckeyes in their bid to outmaneuver other playoff contenders.
But the Buckeyes’ big picture also gets fuzzy when considering previous committee protocol, including “when circumstances at the margins indicate teams are comparable, then the following criteria must be considered: championships won; strength of schedule; head-to-head competition; and comparative outcomes of common opponents (without incenting margin of victory).”
That last point — comparative outcomes — is where the little and big pictures merge. Ohio State beat Michigan State by one point. Penn State plays host to the Spartans next week. What if the Nittany Lions blow out Sparty? Buckeye Nation — and the committee — will be watching.
If the Nittany Lions blow out Sparty and Ohio State beats Michigan, Penn State still must play Wisconsin. If they win those two games, I won't say another negative thing about James Franklin until Ohio State beats Penn State again.
If Penn State wins the Big Ten, it might make the playoffs. I hope it does; I'd relish a rematch with Penn State on a neutral turf field in a Southern metropolis capable of housing more than 500 traveling fans.
Ohio State's non-champion route has been paved since the last CFP selection show:
Kirby Hocutt (Playoff chairman) on ESPN: We have a right to put in a team who doesn't win conf. title if we believe they're one of the best.
— Jeremy Rauch (@FOX19Jeremy) November 16, 2016
Get this win over Michigan and let Penn State and Wisconsin squabble over a secondary trophy in a game the Buckeyes have 0% chance of losing or suffering an injury. Sounds like an Urban Meyer power move to me.
THAT'S STILL MURDER. Old-timey programs are one of my favorite things about college football:
@edsbs this needs your attention. pic.twitter.com/rypfgdFgAW
— Quincy Bailey (@southwvboy) November 21, 2016
That's up there with the controversial 1965 cover for The Game. Not many people know, in Brutus' first year, that program featured Brutus showing a freshman biology class how to skin a Wolverine. Unfortunately PETA and the P.C. Police bought the remaining copies at a state auction in 1984 and incinerated them because Bo Schembechler cried about it.
THOSE WMDs. Most students don't know when news is fake... Future of Maryland soccer conditioning looks like a sports bra... The code I'm still ashamed of... My forced awakening... Derek Carr is so safe, he's dangerous... Fake Kungfu Panda creator convicted of fraud.
