Happy Friday, y'all. Let's get to it.
This week's NSFW ANTI-WORK #BANGERS:
- This will change the way you watch The Wizard of Oz forever.
- Walking Dead Chappelle's Show.
- Cedric the Entertainer — Live from the Ville.
CURTIS TALKS FATALITY. It's almost been two weeks since Curtis Samuel daggered Michigan in double overtime, and I still remember it more fondly than the birth of my mediocre son.
Somewhat surprisingly, Samuel didn't have a go-to celebration for the biggest touchdown of his career. Instead, he went with what came naturally.
From dispatch.com:
“That was a special moment for me, for the team, for Buckeye Nation, just everybody who’s been around with us,” Samuel said. “I really didn’t know what to think, what to do when I got in the end zone but to just spread my arms and know that I was happy that we got the win.”
A Dutch Master couldn't have brushed a more iconic painting than this photo taken the moment Samuel ripped Michigan's beating heart from its ribcage. It's even better than Darron Lee's 2014 finisher:
Greg Bartram–USA TODAY Sports
Though he would've been worthy of the Heisman pose, it wasn't one of the ideas he thought about since.
“I didn’t know what to do, I look back on it and I could have done so many things to show how happy I was,” Samuel said.
Like the Heisman pose?
“I don’t know about that,” he said. “But there’s a bunch of things that went through my head after the fact.”
The only way that celebration would've been better is if he strolled over to the Michigan sideline and Stone Cold Stunner'd Jim Harbaugh.
DELANY BACKS BUCKS, NO EXPANSION. Poor Penn State. If the SEC champion got left out of the playoffs for a team like Washington, Greg Sankey would've immolated himself on Capitol Hill to draw national attention to his case.
Delany is more than satisfied with the Buckeye #brand making it, though:
B1G commish Jim Delany asked if @CFBPlayoff committee got the 4 teams right? I think it did."
— Brett McMurphy (@McMurphyESPN) December 7, 2016
Delany also won't use Penn State and Michigan being left out to push for an eight-team playoff:
Jim Delany sayszero surprise herethe @CFBPlayoff field selection this year did not provide any impetus to move to 8 teams.
— George Schroeder (@GeorgeSchroeder) December 7, 2016
Movers-and-shakers always say stuff like this all the way until they announce the CFP moving to eight teams, which will probably happen in the next decade.
SALT. Just like the euphoria from watching Samuel gut Michigan has yet to dissipate, it would appear the salt from losing is still strong as well.
Here's Jourdan Lewis, Michigan's best defender, when asked if he will root for his conference come playing time.
From freep.com:
“I don’t know, they took our dreams away,” Lewis said Wednesday at the College Football Awards, where he is a finalist for the Thorpe Award. “That goes out the window when you’re talking about personal interest. They definitely took our dreams away, so I don’t think I’m rooting for them anytime soon.”
[...]
“I’m excited to see the big dude (Clemson defensive tackle Carlos Watkins) against No. 4,” Lewis said, smiling.
Lewis' saltiness about Samuel is explained by the photo above. Lewis had a better view of the game-winner than Jabrill Peppers.
Speaking of Peppers, he says Harbaugh would whoop Meyer in a fight:
Peppers asked what would happen if Jim Harbaugh fought Urban Meyer. Peppers: Harbaugh would win. 100 percent.
— Rachel Lenzi (@RLenziCMG) December 8, 2016
Sure, maybe. Harbaugh looks like he walks around with knives in his diaper and would go for a man's testicles right off the rip.
We may never know who would win a fight. But we do know Meyer is 2-0 against Harbaugh and 3-0 against Peppers on the field. Their hypotheticals keep them warm at night, though.
THAT TIME RICH ROD ALMOST COACHED BAMA. The Nick Saban dynasty at Alabama almost didn't happen because the Tide tried to hire Rich Rodriguez.
In fact, it got so close The Birmingham News broke Rodriguez agreeing "in principle" with Alabama.
It didn't go down, however, and the Internet has always blamed Rodriguez's wife for not wanting to move to Alabama (who could blame her?). But actually, the West Virginia boosters rallied the base.
From al.com:
The actual truth is West Virginia mega boosters, including Arizona Diamondbacks managing partner Ken Kendrick, asked Rodriguez Dec. 7 what it'd take to get him to stay. By the next day, West Virginia and its boosters were offering him a big raise and facility improvements.
[Former Birmingham News reporter] Rapoport believes he may have unwittingly played a part in Rodriguez's decision to the detriment of his report.
"I know that reporting it that night gave West Virginia boosters an opportunity to raise money and get Rich Rodriguez a new contract," he said. "If I stayed quiet and he just went to tell his team the next day, my guess is he'd probably still be Alabama's coach."
That worked out for Saban and the Tide, not so much Rodriguez.
That article also includes this gem:
"I just want you to know you've hired a horseshit football coach," Saban told [Alabama athletic director Mal] Moore. "But nobody will out-recruit me."
Hard to argue with his slew of No. 1 classes about that, but he still got dumped in the Sugar Bowl.
POOR BRADY HOKE. Oregon fired Mark Helfrich, which ended the Brady Hoke defensive coordinator resurrection.
Ducks president Michael Schill offered the following advice to new coach Willie Taggart, introduced Thursday:
#Oregon president offers up his only football advice to new coach Willie Taggart: "Go out & find a great defensive coordinator."
— Bruce Feldman (@BruceFeldmanCFB) December 8, 2016
Somebody check the Eugene hospitals and the morgue because poor Brady Hoke just got shot.
THOSE WMDs. The Bengals' spiritual confidant... The last unknown man... The best tv shows of 2016... Rae Sremmurd's best life... Quebec's great, multimillion-dollar maple syrup heist.
