For those of you who celebrate it, I hope your Christmas weekend was as miserable as mine. Am I writing this Skully in the aftermath of the Lakers' joke of a loss to the Chicago Bulls? Yes, I am. Do you care? Probably not. But, after watching the Browns find YET ANOTHER WAY TO LOSE, I was forced to endure the Lakers gift-wrapping an opening day W for the likes of Carlos Boozer and Joakim Noah. Hadn't my mom given me the best Christmas gift ever -- a President Warren G. Harding Christmas tree ornament -- then this Skully would probably be three sentences long and double as my suicide letter.
Alas, the guile of Warren G. Harding has talked me off that ledge, and now here I am in wooded Siberia, attempting to find a tree with branches mighty enough to hold the weight of the portrait of the 29th and Most Hated On President of the United States. No luck thus far, so the struggle continues. What's that? How did I get WIFI in remote Siberia? BECAUSE I AM A BLACKBERRY USER.
I assume you all have effectively recovered from the instant classic that was the Hawai'i Bowl. I've ordered 20,000 bootleg DVDs of that game. Not to sell them or anything, I just want to make sure I'll be able to have that game on my persona for the rest of my life. BOWL SEASON, BABY.
Let's just get to the links before I die of ammonia.
THE LOWEST LEVEL OF INTRIGUE. As if you needed another reason not to watch 6-7 UCLA clash with 6-6 Illinois in the Fight Hunger Bowl, there's the fact that UCLA players have been skipping practice. If you are still considering watching, then I present the academically ineligible Jason Ford, Illinois' leading rusher, whom the Fighting Ron Zooks will be without come kick-off. The senior finished his career at Illinois with 1,962 rushing yards. (And yes, I propose Illinois always be the Fighting Ron Zooks regardless of Ron Zook's employment with the university.)
DID YOU FORGET A GIFT FOR YOUR FAVORITE OHIO STATE CORNHUSKER FAN? Then you might want to hurry to hurry to E-Bay to try to track down this illusive Ohio State Cornhuskers hoodie. As somewhat of a connoisseur of hooded sweatshirts, I can tell you this one looks quite durable.
HEY JARED SULLINGER'S BODY -- QUIT YOUR HATING.
WHAT WAS ON THAD MATTA'S CHRISTMAS LIST? According to CBS' Gary Parish, it was a healthy Jared Sullinger. Why would Matta request this of ol' St. Nick? "Because [Ohio State] can win a championship with Sullinger. Without him, they cannot." *thinks on this for a minute* OK, that sounds somewhat obvious but yet also true. So, get healthy soon, Sully?
BRONCO BOSS TO HAPPY VALLEY? Penn State, who is apparently taking a page out of Michigan's book on sluggish coaching searches, have apparently turned their gaze to Boise, Idaho. While it's been speculated dynamite would be needed to get Chris Peterson out of Boise, I'd like to think it'd just take an obscene amount of money. After all, every man has his price. Every man.
Would Peterson be a bigger hit than the past Boise State coaches who left seeking bigger pastures? That's not for me to say, but what the hell is Penn State waiting on?
Oh, and in case you're wondering if Joe Paterno still has a flock of fans without shame, then here's your answer.
IS THE GREATEST USC QB OF ALL TIME RETURNING TO USC? Matt Barkley's return to USC for his senior season obviously has USC fans excited, due to it being the first good news they've received since Pete Carroll left USC via a golden parachute which landed in Seattle. But, Barkley's return has excited locals to the point they're asking if he's the greatest Trojan quarterback of all time. I don't know about all that (Carson Palmer, anyone?) but I'm glad Barkley is returning to USC. The Browns definitely would've drafted Barkley, and I think we all know how that would've turned out. (And no, I don't buy into the "JUST HAND USC NEXT YEAR'S TROPHY" hype.)
THAT BLACK TAR, PLAY BOI. Internet based gambling is on the move... A French company is accused of selling faulty breast implants all over the world... LOLWUT?... Silent film legend Charlie Chapman... The Muses of Insert, Delete and Execute... Maddox on Facebook... Lost cat found 2,000 miles from home...
