Tilt of the cap to Louisiana State for reportedly lining up a run on Urban Meyer. I called my bank last week and said I would like $10,000,000 deposited into my account by the end of the business day. The clerk laughed at me, which is what Meyer will do to LSU.
I don't regret it, because sometimes in this life you must shoot your shot and make people tell you, "Nah."
2035's No. 1 dual-threat QB. Sign her up, Urban!!!!
Special shoutout to Ohio State graphic designer Kenton Stufflebeam, who adopted the precious stray kitten that appeared in a pine tree in my backyard and wrecked my Friday night plans.
Please follow Columbus' newest mayor on Twitter.
On another personal note, my bosses are forcing me on to tonight's Eleven Warriors Report.
Time Warner customers will have an exclusive look at a stilted, sweaty man discussing the local team while overusing "uh" and "you know" to splice sentence fragments together. Be there or be square (because you're not around here, get it?) at 7 p.m. ET on Time Warner SportsChannel.
Please cry for me, Columbus. I did not ask for this.
COUNTER MEASURES. There were conflicting reports last week, but I dug deep and uncovered the truth.
Chris Ash used to coach at Ohio State.
I know, I know. I didn't want to believe it either. How could a Rutgers Man infiltrate Ohio State? Is Urban Meyer slipping? Folks, those questions are above my pay.
What I can confirm through other people's reporting is Meyer took counter measures against the man now known to be a mole.
From dispatch.com:
Ash has several other former Ohio State support personnel on his staff, including offensive coordinator Drew Mehringer, who was a graduate assistant to then-OSU offensive coordinator Tom Herman from 2012-2014.
But it’s the Ash influence, specifically the way he transformed the OSU defense in his two years with the Buckeyes and the fact he’s running “the same” defense with Rutgers that has OSU coaches aware.
“We changed most of our defensive signals because of this,” Meyer said. “We’ve just got to be sharp.”
Troubling times indeed when a man can waltz into the Woody, dupe a three-time champion, and walk out with the blueprints to Luke Fickell's 2014 championship defense.
The defensive signals are a good place to start, but I would also change the locks at the Woody. Ash may have cloned keys at Home Depot (it's surprisingly cheap these days).
THOMAS HITS PAYDIRT. As a wise Millennial, I remember many things other people don't—except the 1980s, which never existed.
For example, I remember a time when Mike Thomas was a spring game all-star whose most impressive feat was melting down on Twitter about a bowl game loss he watched on television.
A lot can change in two and a half years, however.
Here's Thomas, now with the New Orleans Saints, scoring his first professional touchdown Monday night against the Atlanta Falcons:
@Nb_Eight0 love you bro you encourage me!
— Mike Thomas (@Cantguardmike) September 27, 2016
The Falcons won, 45-32.
Drew Brees targeted Thomas 11 times. The WR finished with seven receptions for 71 yards (and a touchdown).
MOLE TALKS EXODUS. The mole met with media Monday ahead of his return to Ohio Stadium.
Though he likely won't be led into the Shoe in shackles like he deserves, he did discuss his former "employer."
From onthebanks.com:
"We had a great two-year run there. It's not about me. It's not about the other people in this program that have been at Ohio State. It's about us preparing our football team to continue to get better and go play against a great opponent. That's all I'm worried about."
[Ash] spent a lot of time answering questions about Ohio State, but mostly just talked about how its about the Rutgers players preparing themselves to play an elite team. He also said the fact that he knew the Ohio State players was only an advantage if the Rutgers players knew them just as well. Clearly Ash will spend a lot of time teaching the offense the tendencies of the players he helped develop while with the Buckeyes.
All in all, Ash is all business as per usual. He has high expectations for this team and expects them to go into the Horseshoe and compete. He doesn’t seem intimidated by the fact that he is going up against his former mentor and the team that he is trying to turn Rutgers into.
What's there to be intimidated about? At Rutgers, lose-lose situations are actually win-wins. Either you lose small or lose big. Either way, it's business as usual in Piscataway.
HOCKEY WILL BE GOOD THIS YEAR. We now pause this regularly scheduled football broadcast to talk Buckeye hockey.
From Ohio State:
COLUMBUS, Ohio – Seniors Josh Healey and Nick Schilkey and sophomore Mason Jobst of the Ohio State men’s hockey team were selected to the 13-player Big Ten Preseason Players to Watch list, the conference announced Monday. The watch list was voted on by the six B1G coaches.
Ohio State was picked second in the preseason coaches’ poll. Minnesota took the top spot, with Michigan third, Penn State fourth, Wisconsin fifth and Michigan State sixth.
The Buckeyes were second among the six league teams with three players named to the preseason players to watch list, behind Minnesota’s four selections. Schilkey is on the list for the third consecutive season, while Healey and Jobst have both been recognized for the first time.
Full TV schedule over here.
THOSE WMDs. One weird trick driving kickers crazy... Heroin's hold on us... The real Lolita... The joy of growing up in a home designed by Frank Lloyd Wright... The people's cheeseburger.
