Folks, when I'm President, everyone this time of year will be on Christmas break. But until that coronation, we need to do the work for money jig while we rot away on a space pebble. So let's square that cognitive dissonance by attacking this day like Kerry Coombs chasing a talented #teen through a snowstorm to beat a dead period deadline:
Beat the Clock Flag Planting! Just landed in a snow storm in Detroit! #nothingwewontdotosecurethebestandthebrightestfortheBuckeyes
— Kerry Coombs (@OsuCoachCoombs) December 12, 2016
Coombs and Urban Meyer smuggling the No. 1 wide receiver in the country to Columbus would melt mgoblog.com's Pentium 4 processor.
Michigan recruiting guys saying Donovan Peoples-Jones is still a lock, but they never had to say "nah" to a three-time champion who drove through a Sunday night snowstorm.
ICYMI:
- Four-star 2017 Indiana LB Pete Werner committed to Ohio State.
- What Werner brings to the table.
DAMN YOU, DABO, BUT THANKS, TOO. Ohio State fans remember the 2014 Orange Bowl as a defensive dumpster fire of which every copy should be incinerated in a trash can.
If Braxton Miller didn't get injured or the Buckeyes make one of 85 missed tackles, maybe they win that game. But whatever. Shit happens, bum juice.
For Clemson, however, it put them on the righteous path to lose to Alabama in a championship game.
From thestate.com:
“It was huge,” [Dabo] Swinney recently told The State. “We had gone down to the Orange Bowl in 2012 and got our butts kicked and came back the next year and obviously had a big win against LSU, but to be back in the Orange Bowl again two years later and to be playing The Ohio State, and to win that game and our first BCS win, it was kind of the next step for us. It was another step up the mountain along our journey.”
That loss was huge for Ohio State, too. Meyer reshuffled his defensive staff and brought in Chris Ash, an instrumental cog in the championship run that came 12 months later.
MEET SAVAGE TIGER. Confession: I legit enjoy watching southerners talk trash about college football on YouTube.
Back in 2014, we met the likes of lawtide423 and hoss4107, who memorably told me to "suck an Alabama nutsack."
But the original 11W Youtube sensation is Savage Tiger, whom we profiled back on Dec. 29, 2013.
Fast forward to Dec. 12, 2016. Savage Tiger is still "on here repping his team," as they say in the biz.
Trigger warning: Cuss words, ahoy.
Say what you want about the surly Applebees waiter, but prior to this, I didn't hold a grudge against Clemson. Dabo Swinney seems like a dweeb and Charlie Bauman's ancestor committed a war crime when he murdered Woody Hayes' ancestor in the Civil War—but I'm not tripping about Clemson or its corny-ass traditions.
But now? I need Savage Tiger's tears brought in 12 oz bottles with fresh seal caps. For those too busy to sit through six and a half minutes of a man having a psychotic break, here are the best 52 seconds:
apologies to @hoss4107 but i have a new favorite southern cfb youtube vlogger #savagetiger pic.twitter.com/PJO2ctcecR
— Local Team Ultra (@marion_ohio) December 11, 2016
this guy is a phenom #ihateyankees pic.twitter.com/js280VC0al
— Local Team Ultra (@marion_ohio) December 11, 2016
“Yankees, you stick to basketball!”– Jefferson Davis
Southerners and their fragile masculinity of "honor culture" amuse me. They tried to rise up one time, and it ended with their "military genius" general on a knee and their president wearing women's clothes.
For some reason, they are proud of this.
We'll see who wins the big game. Personally, I back the local team to win. Ohio State could lose, but Savage Tiger's teary-eyed follow-up will be better than any highlight video.
JURY TIME IN NOLA. Cardell Hayes doesn't deny shooting Will Smith. His defense team alleges their client shot Smith in self-defense after the former Saints player, who, by the way, was three-times past the legal alcohol limit to drive, threatened to get a gun from his car.
Law enforcement sees it different, although they couldn't link one bullet to Hayes' gun.
From theadvocate.com:
Assistant District Attorneys Jason Napoli and Laura Cannizzaro Rodrigue told the jury that none of the physical evidence or witness statements support Hayes' claim that Smith had threatened to retrieve his gun, reached into his Mercedes SUV and pirouetted before Hayes heard a "pop" and began firing.
For the first time, Rodrigue acknowledge in her impassioned closing argument that Smith was, in fact, returning to the vehicle to retrieve his gun, but said Hayes had already shot him in the side, also striking his wife.
Rodrigue said it appears Smith, who died at 34, likely could have survived that first shot before she said Hayes pumped seven more bullets into his back.
The case went to the jury Sunday, and after over five hours of deliberation Hayes was found guilty of manslaughter by an Orleans Parish Criminal District Court jury.
Cardell Hayes has been found guilty of manslaughter in the killing of ex-NFL star Will Smith. Lesser charge but faces 20-40 years in prison.
— Dan Wetzel (@DanWetzel) December 12, 2016
The charge carries a sentence of up to 40 years in prison.
LET ME HOLD A $20, LUKE! Luke Fickell's contract ensures him at least $640,000 this year as Ohio State's highest paid assistant.
That's some nice coin, even for a guy with six kids. But as it turns out, two commas are cooler than one.
Source: Luke Fickell's contract with Cincinnati averages $2.3 million for six years. Buyout is $3.5 million. Goes down by $500,000 annually.
— Pete Thamel (@SIPeteThamel) December 11, 2016
Fickell earned the shot. I think he will do well at Cincinnati. The head coaching stint in 2011 is nothing but a great learning experience at this point. And Fickell is a hard-worker who has a keen eye for diamonds in the rough.
It's a good recipe, and it will be weird be weird to see Cincinnati back in the Top 25.
FWIW FYI, the Bearcats play at Ohio Stadium on Sept. 7, 2019. If they win that game, I reserve the right to take back every positive thing I typed about Fickell.
A CONNOISSEUR RISES. The British #teen who gave us the word "hench" has been identified.
Meet the Chicken Connoisseur, who boasts 141,000 subscribers:
My plan has always been to win the Mega Millions and rebrand Eleven Warriors into Eleven Warios, the premiere Wario fanfiction site on the internet.
But this prodigy is making me reconsider. If I win the Mega I may pay him to move to Columbus to decipher the deep fried chicken game.
THOSE WMDs. Bama ain't played nobody... Unexpected complications of buying a chateau in Bordeaux... The Packers, the prisoners, and the priest that unite them... Locked on the psych ward... Frank Sinatra has a cold... Texas high school arms race: indoor practice facilities.
