Hate Week detours from our regular scheduled hate programming so that you may celebrate Hatesgiving with you and yours. It's a special time of the year where we all join together, celebrate your common hate, eat food prepared out of hate, and hate on mutually hateful things around the television watching hateball (or so I've been told).
It's also a time to sip cold ones and celebrate Luke's recent success at picking games. That's right, on the heels of a perfect 4-0 Big ten slate, your boy rocked a mean 6-2 record last week bringing the season grand total to 47-48-1. I SEE YOU .500. LOOKING SMUGLY AT ME. HATE! HATE! HATE! Oh, ahem, sorry about that. Where were we?
There are some fine games ahead of us. In fact, including the Texas-Texas A&M Hatesgiving night suaree (look for me on TV; I'll be the one wearing zombie entrails so the walking dead Longhorn faithful surrounding can't smell me), we're looking at a full 3 days of college football. To quote the warrior-poet Samuel L. Jackson, "hold onto your butts."
National Games
#2 Auburn at #10 Alabama (-4), 2:30 P.M. (Friday) - CBS (HD)
Ohio State-Michigan if both teams' fans never attended either school and drank mouthwash as a pregame, Alabama actually enters this one as 4 point favorites over the War Eagle/Tigers/whatevers. Folks have been saying really for about, oh, the last 12 weeks, "if there's one person who can concoct a gameplan to slow down Cameron Newton, it's Nick Saban." Having Kirby Smart contribute to said gameplan doesn't hurt either. Auburn's secondary should be prime for the picking if 'Bama QB Greg McElroy can get the rock to Julio Jones. The Tide rolls early and often: set your sites on N'awlins, Auburn: Alabama 34 - Auburn 17.
#20 Arizona at #1 Oregon (-19), 7:00 P.M. (Friday) - ESPN (HD)
I think for roughly as long as the 'experts' have fallen in love with Alabama's chances to spring the upset on the Tigers, I've felt just as strongly that Oregon's greatest challenge of the seaosn would happen Black Friday against Arizona. With a swarming defense and an offense capable of keeping the Wildcats up to Oregon's break neck scoring pace, I'm completely flabbergasted to see Oregon enter this one as near 3 touchdown favorites. I get 'Zona dropped the soap against Kiffykins and SC a few weeks back but... 19 points?! Ride these all the way to the bank (or my re-embarrassment: Arizona 31 - Oregon 28. OH NO HE DIDN'T (oh yes, I did.)
#3 Boise State at #19 Nevada (+14), 10:15 P.M. (Friday) - ESPN (HD)
A game firmly in the Ohio State universe crosshairs after our (mostly) distinguished President took it upon himself to embarrass the university (and football program) in front of a national audience to further the agenda of a system designed to sustain corporate entity profit and little else, Boise State's chance at perfection (and a more than deserving shot at a national title) could very well come down to this trip to Reno to take on Top-20 Nevada. Those whom, you know, haven't actually seen Nevada play much, will be quick to thump what a patsy this opponent is. Those individuals would be sadly mistaken. Nevada has every potential to win this one and in fact the 14 point spread is probably pretty generous to say the least. I suspect Boise comes out and plays precisely well enough to come out with the victory, but expect Nevada to keep this in doubt until late. Boise State 34 - Nevada 31.
#7 LSU at #12 Arkansas (-3.5), 3:30 P.M. - CBS (HD)
The game where Les Miles' s***a** luck finally hits the fan, either resulting in LSU becoming the most amusing BCS team in roughly the last decade or with them being relegated to their proper place in the Cap One bowl. Arkansas enters the game with a high flying offense more than capable of testing a stout LSU secondary, but their defense in the same right will give the bad high school offense LSU runs every opportunity to keep up the pace. The very though of Jared Jefferson rotating snaps with Jarrett Lee in a BCS bowl is enough to make me shiver (or laugh; let's say laugh): take the favorites, Arkansas 31 - LSU 24.
Big Ten Games
#11 Michigan State at Penn State (+1.5), 12:00 P.M. - ESPN2 (HD)
Matt McMorelli and the Fightin' BRRRAAAIINNNSS play host to a pretty surprisingly 10-1 Sparty side in both teams' regular season finales. I know i criticized folks for wanting to write off Michigan State way back when against Northwestern to prospectively lose solely because "that's what they do", but even more so than in that game doesn't this one have the feel of the kind of gamr Sparty routinely shanks "just cause"? Much like their last egg laying came after a near miss against the Cats, this one follows up a stinker of a game against Purdue. I get it's hypocritical and totally based on the intangible, but that's what Hatesgiving is all about: Penn State 24 - Michigan State 20.
Indiana at Purdue (-3), 12:00 P.M. - Big Ten Network (HD)
Bill Lynch's slow unfolding yawn of a side travel to West Lafayette to battle equally inept/snoozegasmic Purdue in the battle for the boring wooden bucket (TM). Purdue, more so than the Hoosiers, have just been banged up beyond reason where as the Hoosiers have just been, well, frankly pretty bad. This game's been jettisoned to Big Ten Network prison. If you happen to inexplicably have the one cable package in Ohio that doesn't carry that puppy (or I suppose visiting a relative/in-law sans cable; hippies), you will miss nothing. The sun will still rise and still set whether or not you partake in the magic that is the boring old bucket game or not. Promise. Oh, I guess someone wins this one, eh? Purdue minus three sounds pretty alright. Yeah, let's do that: Purdue Boreteen - Indiana 4 or more less than that (33 - 27).
#24 Iowa at Minnesota (+15.5), 3:30 P.M. - Big Ten Network (HD)
/BOING (my apologies if you don't get the joke; we'll pretend it never happened.) The Jeff Horton (who was inexplicably a finalist for the Broyles award, you know, after his boss was terminated; some assistant) era at Minnesota reaches it logical conclusion: at the hands of a blood thirsty rival looking to take out their frustration from a narrow loss a week prior on your hapless behinds. But hey, pretty chill stadium you got there, Golden BROphers. This one's also ESPN/ABC safe and relegated to a channel likely in the 600s or higher. Seeing one team humbled like that might not be good for certain sheltered children and could stunt their development and/or emotional growth. Hide your kids, hide your wife: Iowa 37 - Minnesota 13.
Northwestern at #5 Wisconsin (-23), 3:30 P.M. - ABC (HD)/ESPN (HD) (Regional)
The other chronological end to the Big Ten's final season sans a championship game (is it as weird reading that as it was for me to type?) is a doozy. While obviously on paper, Northwestern is significantly outclassed against the Badgers (particularly sans Dan Persa), there has to be some part of you that things a super motivated Fightin' Fitzes side will be able to dig deep and make this one palatable? Oh that side of you died in a tragic gravy boat accident? never mind. Yeah, as much as we'll all be rooting against the 'Cats to put Ohio State into a situation where they can make Gordon Gee look every bit the fool a lot of us think he sounded yesterday morning (or prove to be clairvoyant, whatevs) while we all struggle not to throw up out of nervousness, let's be real: even this one is Bielema proof. Evil Bielema ends 2K10 the same way he, um, middled it: Wisconsin 51 - Northwestern 17.
