Folks, I won't lie: I discriminate against #teens. Their beady little eyes... small hands... no idea what chaos is rumbling around in their underdeveloped little brains.... how do you trust them?
You can't, and don't be beguiled by their seemingly charming good looks, either. It's all part of their devious, devious plot.
Per a release from the City of Columbus:
COLUMBUS, OH—A Central Ohio man, dubbed the “Boy Band Bandit” due to his boyish looks and feeble attempts at thug-like posturing, has been named “Fugitive of the Week” by Columbus City Attorney Richard C. Pfeiffer, Jr.
Eighteen year old Michael Allen Stanley of Columbus’ South Side has been charged with nine counts of theft and has three active warrants for his arrest after being accused of stealing thousands of dollars worth of DeWalt tool kits from Lowe’s stores throughout Franklin County. He also has been connected to thefts in Fairfield County.
"Feeble attempts at thug-like posturing" might be enough to shame him into turning himself in, but this #teen looks like he's not going down without a fight. His alleged rap sheet is extensive. Per the release:
- On April 25, 2015, Stanley stole a DeWalt combo kit valued at $349 from Lowe’s on Brice Road.
- The next day, Stanley struck again as he stole another $349 DeWalt combo kit from the Georgesville Road Lowe’s.
- On May 1st, he stole a $299 DeWalt combo kit from Lowe’s on Park Mill Run Drive.
- On May 6th, he returned to the Brice Road Lowe’s to steal a $549 DeWalt combo kit and then later in the day stole another DeWalt combo kit valued at $199 from the Morse Crossing Lowe’s.
- On May 9th, he stole $299 worth of DeWalt tools from the Polaris Parkway Lowe’s.
- On May 12, he returned to the Park Mill Run Drive Lowe’s to steal a $299 DeWalt tool kit.
- On June 3rd, he struck the Polaris Parkway Lowe’s again, stealing another $299 DeWalt combo kit.
- On June 8th, Stanley stole a DeWalt combo kit valued at $549 from the South High Street Lowe’s.
Seems like a pretty straight forward M.O., as far as diabolical #teen plots go. Doubt he's on the lam for long.
Source: @Landgrant33
