Hi, Sister Jean. Big fan.
I know that sometimes sports fandom can be an incredibly cynical place, and Lord knows that I've contributed more than my fair share of snark to it, but I honestly, truthfully think that you're great. Sports are ultimately about human stories in the context of competition, and your story, that now spans over 100 years of a life spent in service, is one of the most unique that we have. I'd also be remiss if I didn't also mention that your love for basketball reminds me a lot of my own grandma's enjoyment of the same, and that if she were still around (she'd be about your age, actually!) you'd both probably have a great time together comparing Loyola and Kentucky's frontcourt lineups.
But look, Sister Jean: if you can somehow convince the Loyola Ramblers to throw the game against the Ohio State Buckeyes this afternoon, you would seriously be doing me a favor.
I know it's a big ask! This is a single-elimination tournament and the Ramblers, not traditionally a perennial NCAA Tournament team, probably want to make the most of their chance this year. That's great. But since 2015, Loyola has twice as many wins in the dance as the Buckeyes do, and the psychic anguish that the fanbase is experiencing can't be completely erased by spring football. We need something to bridge the two week gap between briefly being emotionally invested in basketball and being mentally preoccupied with the linebacker depth chart. Ohio State needs this, so frankly maybe it's a little selfish to keep winning March Madness games when other fanbases have so very little.
With all due respect to you and Loyola, of course. Loyola not only has a national championship to its name, but also a place in college men's basketball history by helping break down a significant racial barrier. And your passion for the team has been evident for going on generations now:
Upon arriving at Loyola, Coach Porter Moser got a scouting report from Sister Jean on every one of his players. “She still sends me an email after every single game,” Moser told the Peoria Journal Star in 2017. “There is no human like her.”
But did you see how gimpy Zed Key looked yesterday? Is it truly fair to beat a team that might potentially be missing two of its best players? It'd be great to see Chris Holtmann, a legitimately cool and good dude who just hasn't gotten over the hump in tournament time, get a few more March wins under his belt before the fanbase starts to completely lose its mind. And think about poor Kyle Young. Wouldn't it be great if he had just a little more time to recover, and hopefully see the March Madness court just one last time? So maybe it'd be better to, you know, let them just have this one.
Also, I'm not suggesting that you do anything nefarious or immoral. I've got no money riding on this, aside from the five bucks I owe Garrick after I accidentally joined his bracket. All I'm asking for is for you to talk with the Loyola Ramblers men's basketball team before the game and convince them to lose on purpose to Ohio State.
"Hey guys. I know I'm 102 years old and many of you might never play organized basketball again after this thing, but a college sports blogger laid out a mildly convincing case about why Ohio State should win this game. So if you could, I don't know, throw up a couple or fifty bricks when the Buckeyes inevitably go ice cold about halfway through the second half, that would be awesome. Thanks!"
That's really all you'd have to say, Sister Jean, and I know that myself and a million or so Ohio State fans would really appreciate it.
In all seriousness, you are genuinely a wonderful part of the tapestry of college sports, and I hope that you can keep cheering on the Ramblers for many years into the future. So if you could just this one time leverage that to help the Buckeyes win, that would totally rule.
Again, big fan.
Love, Johnny
