Recently when Gene Smith spoke to our Eric Seger, he talked a bit about the possibility of alcohol sales in Ohio Stadium. That got me thinking about how great the Horseshoe is. That led to thoughts of how many people would shudder at the thought of anything about it being changed, but in fact the old gray lady on the Olentangy has changed many, many times over the years.
Nearly everything under the sun can be improved upon in one way or another. Just when you think pizza is the perfect food, someone wraps it in bacon and challenges your whole perception. Heck, you can even improve bacon by wrapping it in bacon.
So, naturally, I’m here to tell you about a few enhancements that can improve my Ohio Stadium experience. I’ve talked about this before, but I think this time I’ll keep my requests a bit more reasonable than cushiony seats with trays for my nachos and heated seats. I don't need to be king. A few simple tweaks will greatly enhance my experience.
So…about that alcohol
We’ve had this discussion before. Some people are afraid that more fans would get drunk and obnoxious at games if beer was readily available in the stadium. This is naïve thinking because those who want to drink are already sneaking in liquor, which can be brought in in smaller quantities and packs a bigger punch. As a student, I myself used to carry in a bota bag of rum and buy stadium Cokes as mixers to keep the party going during the game. It happens. If people want it, they’ll bring it.
However, what I’d like to see is not gallons of the bestselling macro brews, but rather special partnerships with area craft brewers to provide a qualitative stadium beer experience, not a quantitative one. I’d love to see Land Grant, Great Lakes and other Ohio brewery products available for purchase, along with perhaps some wider Midwestern offerings, like maybe Goose Island. Sure, maybe that favors beer snobs like me, but hey, this is my wish list.
Plan B
One thing I never do if I can help it is to sit in B Deck. I'm not too concerned with the pillars that can obscure bits of the field, because in my experience it doesn't make that big a difference over the course of an entire game. It's more that I'm tucked up underneath C Deck, where I can't get the stats or replays from the scoreboard.
They're doing wonderful things these days with electronic signage and monitors. I'd like to see some investment in giving B Deckers the same game experience the A, C and D Deckers get. Statistics, replays and scores from around the league are part of the stadium experience. I mean, you're already losing the punt and having to re-find it on its descent, at least give us some easy-to-read stats and scores and a few important replays that you can see from beyond the first five rows.
Real Wifi
We’ve been promised upgrades for years and it seems like every time Ohio State spends on better cellular service, nothing changes. Hey, I don’t need to tweet incessantly from the game, but do I want to upload my video of the band to my Facebook page? Yes, yes I do. I might even want to start my 11W post while in my seat and things are still fresh in my mind.
It’s really hard to meet up with your friends after the game if you don’t know where they are headed and can’t get texts through to or from them. That’s an unnecessary frustration when trying to enjoy the game. For someone like me, who comes in from out of state, time is a limited resource and I try to see as many old friends and family as possible. Having to track them down by guesswork when a call or text won’t go through eats into that resource.
Plus, how am I going to check in with all those new delicious craft beers if I can’t connect with the Untappd app in the stadium?
Listen to the band
Music has become a ubiquitous part of sporting events. That might not be such a bad thing if it wasn’t for the fact that the best marching band in the world in the stadium. Sorry Taylor Swift fans, but I’m gonna hate hate hate hate hate on her and all other pop stars here because whenever the silence needs to be filled, it should absolutely be filled by our fight song, Neutron Dance, Hang on Sloopy, or a deeper cut by TBDBITL.
I’m not crazy about Seven Nation Army, but I’ll allow it—a capella by the crowd, only—provided all other tunes come from the band. I would argue that the sound of the band is one of the defining traditions of college football. We need more of it, not less.
These are just some simple things that should be easy to implement. As I get older, I realize that I’m not going to get everything I want, so I might as well be realistic about it, right?
And if they want to pass out free bacon at the gate as you enter, I’m not going to argue.
