THE SITUATIONAL: Easy A

That's because Rutgers isn't a measuring stick. It’s no rival, either. Rutgers isn't also $265M in debt despite its membership in a money-printing conference (just kidding, it is). Rutgers' only purpose for inclusion was giving the conference a larger shoe size.

So it's hard to find true joy whenever Rutgers is involved, despite the win it provides annually. The average Ohio State-Rutgers football score since Jim Delany permanently inserted the Scarlet Knights into the Buckeyes' schedule was 54-11 entering this season.

Saturday it was 52-13. Cynical Buckeye fans were half-correct. Do we celebrate The Usual now?

But it's always lovely watching the road team deflate its hosts with relative ease, turning someone else's house into an O-H-I-O echo chamber that can be heard on television. If you've gotten to the point where you cannot enjoy blowout road wins, you are what is known as self-defeating. You were lost before kickoff.

the only "measuring stick" Ohio State has is whatever we Believe Ohio State should be. It's not another team.

Ohio State looked like Ohio State again. That’s win on top of a W. We all undershot the dominance.

The other conference footprint-expanding non-rival is up this weekend. The average Ohio State-Maryland score since Delany permanently inserted the Terrapins into the Buckeyes' schedule is 58-22 entering Saturday. Do whatever you'd like with that information, but celebrating another instance of The Usual is the objective for Homecoming.

Maryland will be no more of a measuring stick than Rutgers was, and that's because the only measuring stick Ohio State has is whatever we think Ohio State should be. The Buckeyes are supposed to put up video game scores on the B1G's newest members.

Doing so only means things are going according to plan. And cynics, that's worth celebrating.

Welcome back, thirsty comrades! Let's get Situational.

OPENING: TRANSITIVE SCHMANSITIVE

Oct 2, 2021; Fans storm the field after the Stanford Cardinal defeat the Oregon Ducks at Stanford Stadium. © Stan Szeto | USAT Sports

I'm not the only writer on staff here who believed Oregon had to play its best possible game while Ohio State showed up inebriated for the Ducks to have a chance. The visitors played out of their minds and only escaped with a seven-point win.

The Buckeyes just being their version of average would have probably kept them clean. Average.

Over the weekend Oregon failed to escape the no.85 team in SP+ rankings, falling 31-24 to Stanford. The 3-2 Cardinal are projected to lose all of the rest of their games, with the exception of Cal, where they're currently a one-point favorite. That's who just beat Oregon.

It's not the first time the current no.3 in SP+ Buckeyes have fumbled their shiniest non-conference opponent. They're just 5-4 in those games going back to 2003 when Jim Tressel had finally engineered the program into its current recession-proof form:

They're 5-5 if you include 2014 Virginia Tech, which found itself ranked no.17 following its shocking win in Columbus. The Hokies proceeded to lose to East Carolina the following week as an encore, and then five more times after that.

Virginia Tech wasn't the first (or last) non-con opponent to beat the Buckeyes and then make Ohio State's loss (or win) look worse by losing. The 2006 Longhorns dropped back-to-back games to mediocre Kansas State and Texas A&M teams. Southern Cal lost to Oregon State the week after sending Todd Boeckman to permanent backup status.

*of course* Oregon was going to lose to some shitty team after beating Ohio State. That's a tradition dating back to the Michigan conference championship era.

Oklahoma didn't lose again after falling to the Buckeyes at home in 2016, but it opened with a shocking loss to Houston; a pre-devaluation. The following season the Sooners lost at Iowa State as 31-point favorites after planting their flag in Ohio Stadium. Only the 2005 Texas Longhorns beat the Buckeyes and declined to make that the pinnacle of their season.

So of course Oregon was going to lose to some shitty team after beating Ohio State. It's a tradition dating back to the Michigan conference championship era - whether it was being surprised by a familiar nemesis' offense from Eugene or befuddled by Bud Foster's double eagle, the Buckeyes lose as many of these games as the win. Which, they shouldn't be .500 in anything that takes place in September.

If they continue their 2014 post-loss trajectory under their current freshman quarterback, that loss to the Ducks would almost end up being forgivable. Or strangely romantic. Like Virginia Tech.

INTERMISSION: THE SOLO

Scenes from an Italian Restaurant tells four stories covering nearly eight minutes, taking place in what I always assumed was New York City's Little Italy before it became Chinatown. The internet machine tells me the restaurant is actually Fontana di Trevi in Midtown across from Carnegie Hall, well north of Little Italy.

Sadly it was shuttered a few years ago, leaving NYC with only like 1,500 Italian restaurants. I've compartmentalized the four stories - Scenes, if you will - into respective chapters:

1. Ordering the Wine (0-1:42)
2. "Remember When" is the Lowest Form of Conversation (1:43-2:45)
3. Peaking in High School is the Leading Cause of Divorce (2:46-6:01)
4. Check Please (6:02-7:27)

Four stories carrying an orgy of musical transitions means there is no shortage of solos to choose from here, but we'll go with the soprano saxophone that begins at 2:05 and lasts 43 seconds.

Let's answer our two questions.

Is the soloist in this video actually playing the soprano sax?

Scenes was not released as a single, which meant there was never any budget for a music video. Years later after it got popular for organic reasons the cartoon montage version you see above was produced and was deemed official by Billy Joel incorporated.

Richie Cantana plays all the saxophones on the studio cut but Mark Rivera (best known for the sax that carries Peter Gabriel's Sledge Hammer) is Joel's long-time touring sax player, and he takes it to a whole other level on stage. Nevertheless, cartoons can't play instruments and in this video they don’t even try to. Cowards. VERDICT: No.

Does this soprano sax solo slap?

I choose to believe Joel only escaped prison time for We Didn't Start the Fire due to his decades of saxophone appreciation and promotion. Every solo on this song, however schmaltzy it might be, kicks ass. It's healthy to focus on the good in people. Laugh with the sinners and cry with the saints. Love them just the way they are. VERDICT: Slaps.

THE BOURBON

There is a bourbon for every situation. Sometimes the spirits and the events overlap, which means that where bourbon is concerned there can be more than one worthy choice.

Dareringer from Rabbit Hole. PX sherry cask finish.

Six years ago the bourbons-finished-in-discarded-casks trend had taken off to the point where I was providing recommendations for alternatives to Angel's Envy, since AE was quickly becoming ghost bourbon nobody could find anywhere.

Today, I cannot remember the last time I saw an empty space on the liquor store shelf where AE bourbon (port cask finish) or rye (rum cask finish) are supposed to be. Not sure if they ramped up supply, priced themselves out of the demand or merely became part of a diluted craze.

AE is fine; that category is just a lot more crowded now. Discarded cask finish never fell out of fashion with my palate, and there are so many great options today that scarcity is no longer an issue.

Rabbit Hole's Dareinger (68/18/14 corn/wheat/malted barley) is finished in old PX Sherry casks which gives it a tart raspberry jam flavor that almost overwhelms any hint of the bourbon that entered its finishing phase. Off the top of my head I cannot remember a more complex bourbon that I've ever reviewed here.

There's a lot going on with Dareinger, so if you're not a seasoned taster maybe work your way up to appreciating this one. Rabbit Hole quality is terrific and it retails for the same price as the AE rye. Barley instead of rye moves the bite from the finish to the nose. Make sure you take your time enjoying all of it.

CLOSING: YOUNG GUNS

Kyle McCord, Quinn Ewers, Jack Miller III and C.J. Stroud warm up during training camp at the WHAC. © Adam Cairns | Dispatch

Ohio State has won the past four B1G championships in a row. It's the only outright four-peat in conference history, which followed the only outright three-peat in conference history. This isn't just a garden variety Ohio State or B1G dynasty. You're witnessing the Ohio State and the B1G dynasty.

It has no peer in any era, and it's very much in-progress. When you see news items like Every B1G Freshman of the Week Award this Season has Gone to a Buckeye it's natural to believe that this run isn't ending anytime soon.

But that data point might be a red herring. Ohio State's last Freshman of the Year was Mike Weber, who won for admirably filling the hole left by Ezekiel Elliott. J.T. Barrett did the same with Braxton Miller. But prior those two, it's been nothing but freshman aliens in scarlet and gray winning FOTY honors.

HE BROUGHT HIS OWN BANNER. AND IT'S SPECTACULAR. pic.twitter.com/CMYvt5BNeV

— Eleven Warriors (@11W) December 18, 2019

Terrelle Pryor, Maurice Clarett, Andy Katzenmoyer, Orlando Pace, Korey Stringer and Robert Smith round out every Ohio State freshman that's splashed as hard for a season as C.J. Stroud and TreVeyon Henderson have in four of the five weeks into the 2021 season. That fifth weekly award went to Kyle McCord, while Stroud was resting his shoulder.

That takes us back 30 years. Ohio State freshmen win FOTY about as often as Purdue and Wisconsin freshmen have over that same span, so if you're looking at Stroud - or even Stroud and Henderson - as reasons the dynasty will continue, you may be reaching.

Ohio State hasn't built this run out of one or two freshmen flashing each season. What should annoy anyone tired of seeing the same team covered in confetti on the dais in Indianapolis every December are the Buckeye freshmen not winning B1G FOTW. Like Denzel Burke, who started at CB in his first game ever opposite redshirt freshman Ryan Watts.

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Cameron Martinez, who had the first pick-six in what's been bookended by Burke in a three-game streak. Luke Wypler has the most snaps this season of anyone on the team. J.T. Tuimoloau and Jack Sawyer, Tyleik Williams, Jesse Mirco - it's hard to remember a year when this many freshmen were playing this many snaps while making this much impact.

Sure, there are growing pains with this many unseasoned guys playing. They lost that game to Oregon, but Ryan Day coaches with urgency and recruits as well if not better than his predecessor. It's easy to get frustrated with strategy, in-game minutia or only beating Rutgers by 39. We’ve got that joylessness gene hardwired into our feelings bones.

So if you're angsty about the Ohio State football program, maybe take a close look at 99% of what else is out there for some perspective. Unlike buckeyes, dynasties don’t grow on trees.

Thanks for getting Situational today. Go Bucks. Beat Maryland. Take care of each other.