Wednesday Skull Session

By D.J. Byrnes on May 28, 2014 at 6:00 am
Jesse Owens stuntin' all over Hitler in 1936, via The Ohio State Library
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Doughy area man has unlocked the secret to easy weight loss: Plenty of water, exercise and not eating like an unsupervised fourth grader. Talk about a #lifehack.

RUN DOWN ON JOE BURROWS. After Jamal Marcus was dismissed — the school and Marcus can roll with the "mutual decision" face-saver if they want — it appeared Memorial weekend would be another forgettable one for Ohio State fans.

But lo! In our time of despair, Lord Woody Hayes sent us a white knight from the hills of Athens; Joe Burrow, a four-star dual-threat quarterback, officially ended his recruitment and became the third(!) pledge to Ohio State's 2015 recruiting class. Burrow spurned offers from the likes of Maryland, West Virginia and Vanderbilt in doing so.

So what are the analysts saying about Burrows, only the tenth player Ohio State has (likely) signed from southeastern Ohio since 1988?  

And in case you're wondering if this affects Ohio State's efforts to chisel Torrance Gibson out of Florida, our Jeremy Birmingham says Ohio State will gladly take two quarterbacks in this class if one of them is Gibson.

URBAN NOW LOVES THE NFL DRAFT. Here's something that might surprise you: Urban Meyer had never attended the NFL draft until earlier this month when he went with Ryan Shazier and Bradley Roby.

From Doug Lesmeries of The Cleveland Plain Dealer:

"I've been invited to the draft every year, whenever I had a first-rounder, which was a lot," Meyer told cleveland.com. "I never went because I always felt like you were taking away from the players. And it's your chance to sit down with your (own) wife and your family for a weekend. 

"And (Shazier) called me and I said, 'I don't think I'm going.' And he said, 'No, you've got to go.' And I'll never miss it now."

[...]

"It was incredible," Meyer said. "You melt like butter to see Ryan Shazier's mom have that moment, that we're a part of. Game changer. One of the top five things I've ever witnessed in my life. Especially with that kid. You talk about that pure heart now- genuine love and respect for his family. To see that, with his brother it was the four of them - wow."

I bookmarked this article for the next time some national media clown tries to dump on Urban. 

TROLLS AFOOT AT SEC SPRING MEETINGS. If these quotes from the SEC spring meeting are any indication, the SEC is apparently branching off into the comedy game.

HIT ME, DEALER, BECAUSE I'M A MASOCHIST:

I was unaware Mike Slive had won seven straight national titles. Quite impressive for a man who was in his late sixties when that run began. Also impressive are his abilities to foretell the future. If I were a mystic, I'd be doing a lot cooler things than wearing an $165 SEC belt. 

Well, we know how Bert would do; he posted the first 0-8 conference mark in Arkansas history last year. (We also know what his arch-nemesis, Urban Meyer, would do to the SEC.)

But word from the wise, Bert... my cat, the majestic Starcat, would flay those plump, protein-drenched titties off your chest quicker than the tri-annual coitus with your trophy wife. YOU. WANT. NO. PART. NEPHEW.

And Arkansas won't be either of them, so Bert is basically bragging about how his dad could beat us up. (Speaking of dads, don't make Jim Delany ring up Rutgers and send that pain-train down to Fayetteville, Bert.)

Wow, is the SEC chock-full of luminaries.

I wish I was there, because I would never let Muschamp slide off after dropping this gem. Does he think kids aren't aware it gets cold in the North? Does he think coaches are selling places like South Bend and Happy Valley as sun-soaked paradises? Or does he think it's "freezing cold" up here 24/7/365?

I have so many questions, but this is another reason why I can't wait until home playoff games are brought into the playoffs. These southern dudes ain't built for a cloudy 40 degree day, let alone a snow-dusted 18 degree night in early December. 

I'm no Gata fan, but I assume they also have little interest in watching more losses to FCS opponents (Don't fret, the SEC will still schedule FCS opponents because nobody wants to play the SEC, natch.)

I think this is rock bottom, but I guess Butch Jones wasn't hired to make jokes. (Tennessee football already dominates that market.)  

Les Miles, however, is still dat dude:

WOW, THOSE HELMETS DON'T LOOK SAFE. From the Sports Illustrated vault, comes this terrifying image:

It amuses me to realize people in 2054 will be similarly mystified by pictures from 2014. ("My goodness, Kylerynn! Look at this primitive gear that barely protected players from massive head trauma and chronic injuries!") 

And, as friend of the site Jeff Svoboda mentioned, Bob Ferguson is an OSU great a lot of people forget about. (Or, in my case, even knew about.)

BILL HANCOCK IS STILL A BUM. Here's College Football Playoff President Bill Hancock:

That, we know, is absolute horse-shit. Not that we should be surprised, given the source. Here's BCS President Bill Hancock in December of 2010:

Sure, I understand that many football fans want an NFL-style playoff instead. I know that they want to fill out a bracket, and that they want to watch more college football in December. They want their favorite team to have a slot in that bracket. But the desire for a different postseason format doesn't justify the false attacks against the BCS event. And as the person who used to manage the NCAA Final Four, I know that what works for one sport doesn't work so easily for a different sport.

College football has the best regular season of any sport, and the lack of a playoff is one big reason why. Millions of football fans this year tuned in to watch the season-opening game between Boise State and Virginia Tech because there was so much on the line —starting early in September. If there were a playoff, the Alabama-Auburn game wouldn't have been as important nationally, or as dramatic.

A playoff also would mean the end of America's bowl tradition as we know it. As Rick Baker, president of the Cotton Bowl, said, "A playoff system would ruin the AT&T Cotton Bowl Classic."

An under-reported story is the way Bill Hancock — once the staunchest defender of the BCS — was able to abandon that sinking ship and position himself to still haul massive profits from the new system he basically claimed would ruin college football. (The @InsideTheBCS Twitter account hasn't tweeted in over four years, by the way.)

Seriously, there wasn't ANYBODY ELSE available for the position?

Personally, I think Hancock is a corporate shill leeching millions off the sport, but the deviousness behind his hustle disgusts me so much I'm forced to respect the fact he got away with it. (Are we sure Bill Hancock isn't from Marion? This smacks of Marionaireism to me.)

THOSE WMDs. Join the 11W World Cup bracket challenge... Even Apollo 11 had to go through customs... Agreed: Skyline claiming they sell chili is the most offensive thing about this sign... Blackledge: SEC players more NFL-ready than others... Bill Murray crashing this bachelor party has to be a set-up, right?... 50 Scooby Doo background paintings... Blog weighs in on legal issues from comic book situations... Every Saturn V launch, simultaneously... Two tiny bears fighting... 

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