It's Saturday!!! You can find me on a boat in Lake Erie, not doing crimes.
BAD #TAKE ALERT. Yesterday, while trudging through the offseason hellscape that is the search for #skullycontent, I stumbled upon this tweet in one of my 20+ TweetDeck columns:
@Stugotz790 from the top rope on Urban Meyer pic.twitter.com/9EYfVLsmVY
— Hollywood JP (@JPaul_KY) May 27, 2016
"As God as my witness, he's broken in half!" I impulsively shouted in my best Jim Ross voice because I'm mentally hardwired to the WWF Attitude Era.
But then I grew sad. Had the coach we all know and love been demolished by a Miami radio host? "My readers would not like to read about that," was my next thought.
I went searching for sports radio for the first time in my life, and it didn't take long to pin down a recording of Dan Le Batard's Friday show. Le Batard has the respect of people I respect, so he's of no concern to me.
The show started with uncomfortable truths around the Baylor case. Namely, campus police and football teams in cahoots is more common than the average sports fan would like to admit. Consider me a subscriber.
Le Batard, however, made the mistake of mentioning how Urban Meyer left Florida because things happening around his program became "uncomfortable." Meyer has said as much. Again, no issue.
The issue comes when Le Batard's jester—some guy named Stugotz—uses it as a launching point to make some "I'm just saying what everyone is thinking" tirade against Meyer, except it's something nobody else has thought since 2012.
From espn.com; the fun starts around the 4:00 mark:
Ah yes, the ol' "Urban Meyer really left Florida because Tim Tebow left" and "He faked needing time for his family because he worked as an ESPN analyst" hot takes have risen from the damned like a cicada horde.
Getting #mad online about bad takes from radio men is a Sisyphean struggle, but I want the record to show being a CEO of an elite college football team is much less of a time-sink than sitting around and bullshitting about football for a couple hours during a couple Saturdays of the year.
It's true even when prep-work and travel are concerned. What do you think Kirk Herbstreit is doing this weekend? Whatever the hell he wants. Urban Meyer is worrying about his players pissing on an expensive bush at Muirfield or how he's going to finish off his limited 2017 class.
Stugotz's argument also holds less water given Meyer's last four years at Ohio State, he has gone 50-4 with no players named "Tebow."
However, I just remembered one of my 2016 resolutions was to quit consuming and getting #mad online about bad media. So congrats to Stugotz for giving me the okie doke; it will never happen again. (To ESPN: I will dispense bad #takes for half whatever you're paying him.)
#RBGEDDON. Folks, what do we think of this year's running back derby? Urban Meyer has three former high school stars from which to choose.
From scout.com:
Although two of them have never played so much as a snap, all three running backs who will contend for playing time this season were either four- or five-star prospects in high school. The battle for the starting job will primary be contested between fifth-year senior Bri’onte Dunn (a five-star prospect in the class of 2012) and redshirt freshman Mike Weber (a four-star prospect in the class of 2015). However, class of 2016 four-star Antonio Williams enrolled early and also drew praise this spring from running backs coach Tony Alford.
“We’ve got some good players,” Alford said. “You know something? Mike Weber is on scholarship, Bri’onte Dunn is on scholarship, Antonio Williams is on scholarship. It’s their turn. Go play.
“Once upon a time when Carlos Hyde was here – I wasn’t here, mind you – nobody was talking about Zeke Elliott. When he was a freshman he was a third-team back here. So the culture was built before Zeke and Zeke obviously enhanced it and moved the bar. And so now it’s someone else’s turn to go move the bar.”
Remember those days when we wondered, "Will Ezekiel Elliott be able to shoulder El Guapo's load?" (It was a simpler time back then, grandson.)
This is still Ohio State. On one hand, I want to rule out Bri'onte Dunn because he has yet to produce much, and he's entering his fifth year. On the other, he was stuck behind the No. 4 pick of the NFL Draft.
I'm still picking Weber to emerge as the starter. He's a year acclimated in the system (and college in general) and tore fall camp up last year before an injury sidelined him.
The answer, however, will probably be whoever shows the best ability to block. All three of them can run the ball, but new offensive line combinations can take some time to gel. The Buckeyes will need that extra blocker, especially since they'll be developing their passing game, too.
NUERNBERGER? The spelling bee is something people pretend to care about but nobody watches. I still laughed at this skit produced by Sean Nuernberger:
.@Sean4Heisman1 tried to honor the @ScrippsBee tonight by asking teammates & coaches how to spell his last name...
— Ohio State Football (@OhioStateFB) May 27, 2016
https://t.co/HekwLo1YaV
I bet they all can spell "kicker," though.
LMAO, BRAYLON EDWARDS. According to my college roommate (who are always known for their veracity, am I right?), his friend lived in the same Cleveland suburb cul-de-sac suburb as former Michigan and Browns receiver Braylon Edwards.
Edwards apparently had a giant Fathead of himself plastered at the top of his main stairwell that was visible from the street.
Why am I throwing Edwards under the bus with third-hand info? Because he's a Michigan Man and a receiver who duped the Browns into drafting him despite his inability to catch the ball.
That's why I laughed when I heard about Edwards admitting to rage-quitting The Rivalry for one, unknown year.
From mlive.com:
"I just knew what the outcome was going to be, I just didn't watch the game at all," said Edwards, who holds Michigan career records for receptions (252), yards (3,541) and touchdowns (39) by a receiver. "We got blew out anyway."
Don't mess with Jim Tressel. He will strip away everything you love while sipping a warm glass of milk and listening to a B.B. King vinyl.
Edwards, who amassed multiple Michigan receiving records despite an inability to catch, also had some interesting words while speaking on why Jim Harbaugh, his former San Francisco 49ers coach, may fit better in college.
"I think it can because in college you have young men that are 18, 19 and 20 and they're giving everything they have to football – that's all they want to do is be great at football, listen to their coach and get better so you can have fun," Edwards said. "A lot of times in the NFL you have guys that are 32, 33, 30, 28. They're older, they've been there, they've heard all the rah-rah speeches and all the yelling and they're like, look, 'I'm a grown man, I've got kids at home, I know what my job is, I'm going to come here and do it to the best of my ability and then I need to get home, my wife has this or my baby has soccer practice.' So it's just you're dealing with men, and men you can't rah-rah it all the time. Every once in a while you'll get a guy like that that people connect."
To be as weird as Harbaugh, you have to win gold. If he doesn't lead them to gold, then he's just a weirdly intense quack. Elite players aren't interested in Citrus Bowl trophies.
Unfortunately for those guys, Urban Meyer and Mark Dantonio are still in the division.
#SHOUTOUT TO JOHN GLENN. It's official. Columbus International Airport is dead. When you fly into Columbus, you'll fly into THE John Glenn Columbus International Airport.
From dispatch.com:
Port Columbus is in line for a new moniker as the House joined the Senate in unanimously christening the facility as John Glenn Columbus International Airport in honor of the storied astronaut and former U.S. senator, who was hailed as a "great American, great hero." The bill also renames Route 2 in Cuyahoga County as the Gov. Richard F. Celeste Shoreway in honor of the Democrat who served two terms.
... Safe travels this weekend, everyone. We'll do this again on Monday, assuming nobody is dumb enough to surrender their freedom.
THOSE WMDs. What it's like to be 13-years-old, right now... How John Hinckley lives... How (and why) athletes go broke... The Clique Imaginary... A sex tape is the talk of China.
